we were asked to write a blog about how we felt before leaving on this mission trip. here is what i am expecting…
* i’m expecting to miss my family and friends more than ever.
i was never one of the kids who cried at summer camp because they were homesick and i’ve always been okay to be away for a little while. this will be a new experience being gone for such an extended amount of time. i know i will miss birthdays, milestone events, watching nathan & jacob grow up, and so much more; however, this trip will make me stronger. i will be more independent. and most of all, i hope to appreciate the people in my life more than i ever have before and show them just how much i love them.
* i’m expecting to be pushed to the limit.
i’m picturing sleeping in a tent, in the rain, in the mud, in the middle of nowhere. i’m invisioning going for months without a nice hot shower but instead a cold and very quick one. i’m sure i will encounter scary bugs, spiders and snakes along the way. i know without a doubt that i will meet people and be put in situations that will make me feel uncomfortable. i know i will be so broken at times that i want to give up, but God will somehow remind me that trying times are not the time to stop trying and He will give me the strength to do so.
* i’m expecting to lose a lot and give up a lot in order to obey what God has called me to do.
i need to sell my house right now. it’s a source of great stress for me. my faith and patience are currently being tested right now not only in this matter, but also with my job situation and my relationships. i am learning to realign my focus and really trust that He will take care of my every need, fill every void in my heart and show me grace. so, i will lose my house, my belongings and possibly my job. i know His plan is so much better than what i have in mind though.
right now, the reality that i will be leaving my current life for something new is finally sinking in. i need prayer for my finances – support raising, meeting my current financial obligations and selling my house. please pray that God will continue preparing my heart to be able to let go and not let anything hinder me when i’m gone and that my focus will be solely on the mission He has sent me to complete.
it’s absolutely incredible how full my heart is and how at peace i am right now about this trip because i know i am obeying God’s calling for my life. there is no other way to explain it. i am ready for this. i pray that God breaks me and reveals to me who i truly am inside and how i can change. i want God to open my eyes to what pure, unadulturated love for Him is. i no longer want to be consumed with worldly things. i want my schedule to fit around my time with God instead of trying to fit God in whenever i get a break from my “real life”. i expect to find God in the most unusual places and i want to embrace it. i want to know who i am to God and live that life.
“Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’?
No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!”
John 12:27-28
