Note: this is a post intended to show the realities of leaving The Race.
It’s only been a few days since you’ve been gone. And now I know what it feels like.
I know what it feels like to lose an arm. It all happened so quickly: hot, sharp, and fast. You’d think that would make it less painful, but it doesn’t.
Something that God was speaking to me about in Nepal (month 5) was how our team is the body of Christ–and how we need each member to be exactly who she is to function properly. When you left, the full weight of this truth was realized.
Because you leaving has felt…with all sincerity and lack of exaggeration, like someone just chopped off my arm.
It happened so fast that I didn’t have time to think; my initial reaction was to put pressure on the wound, to keep us from bleeding. I felt the need to hold our team together. I had to be strong, because it felt like everything and everyone was falling apart. It didn’t sink in until there were only four of us riding on a nearly 9 hour bus to Poi Pet and I realized my arm was missing. The pain came rushing forward and all of a sudden I felt it ALL.
I felt the fact that someone who I had just spent every day with for the past 7 months was gone. I felt the pain for our team, of a best friend leaving. I felt the loss for the two members who had barely known. I felt the pain of our leader finally acknowledging that things weren’t ok.
I still can’t believe you’re gone. Honestly, I’m waiting for you to walk back through the door; sometimes I go to use my arm and it’s not there. I know we will readjust, learn to live our lives on this race without you. But it feels strange and sometimes it’s just plain hard.
However, I want to let you know that we’re going to be ok. And I know you will be, too. I
I believe God is making something beautiful out of all of this. I know He works everything together for our good. With you gone, we are forced to step up in ways we previously didn’t have to. We are being stretched and grown. I know that the same will be true for you as you enter into this next season of your life. But know I’m always here and I am praying for you.
I love you, dear friend, and I miss you already.
Lacey
