If you want to know what’s on my mind at 2AM, well…tonight it’s pretty much EVERYTHING- my past, my present and my future. (Side note: I just watched the Disney movie, Meet the Robinsons, where the kid ends up meeting his future self and he learns that he must keep moving forward even when he fails.)
Hence why I’m being so reflective on my life right now. Disney really knows how to get to you! But anyway…it got me thinking about what I wish my young self could learn from present-day me.
I would have told myself, “You are worthy.”
It seems so simple, yet through high school I felt like there had to be something I was missing. I was late to the dating game, so while all my friends had boyfriends I was usually third wheelin’ it. I tried to act like it didn’t bother me that much and honestly there were many times it didn’t when it was just us girls hanging out. I LOVED my friends and still do! I never resented any of them for being in a relationship, but I just didn’t understand why I had to miss out on that. People close to me would tell me that I was just waiting for the perfect guy but it was so frustrating cause I didn’t want to wait!
Fast forward down the road a ways and I eventually got to experience the dating world. However, I went into that life with all the wrong expectations. I felt like I was finally going to fill this hole in my life that I had missed out on for so many years! It felt so good to be cherished and cared for and complimented by someone else (other than my mom-btw thanks, Mom, for always believing and loving me, I don’t discount that for a minute!)
However, I came up with the conclusion in my mind that I was only worthy when I had a boyfriend because they would compliment me and lift me up. This wasn’t a very healthy mindset for me because I didn’t have the self-confidence in myself. I was too dependent and felt like I needed the constant reassurance from others. (I’ve touched on this in another blog, He is Sufficient, if you want to go take a gander)
The Lord has showed me that my value comes from Him and I don’t need to search for it from anybody else. Some days I still need this reminder more than others, but I know God has a purpose for my life, which right now it is to travel the world and love on others by sharing the word of God.
So from myself now to myself then I would say…
Dear High School Kyndal,
YOU ARE WORTHY. There is nothing you need to change in order to get a boyfriend. It is okay to be single. There’s so much to learn. Be confident in who you are because you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. Be thankful in the single times because of the opportunities you will have! The world is at your hands (quite literally) so don’t doubt your self-worth. The Lord has great plans for you and His timing is much greater than your own!
Love,
Kyndal (2018)
“She is worth far more than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10
