Last Wednesday a few of us decided to walk to a pond that we heard was worth the walk in the heat. We walked for about 40 minutes with sweat just falling off of us. It hadn’t rained for a couple days at that point so the humidity was about 90% and the sun was just shining on all of us. I look back now and it was a really good memory but, at the time, it was dreadful. We just kept the thought of this beautiful pond in our head that was waiting for us at the end of this walk. As we got closer, our leader said it was just at the top of this small hill (which looked the size of a mountain at this point) and we all ran up this hill because we were so excited that we finally made it. I think a few of us were seriously thinking about jumping in, no matter the conditions! At the top of the hill we looked out over this little bank and all we see is this big field with cows grazing. We all look at our leader and was like, “Sooo…where’s this pond??”. Well, here, because it has not rained in a couple days, the pond had dried up. So not only did we walk 40 minutes in the severe heat with sweat dripping off of us to get to this pond, but on top of that, the pond was dried up! Haha Our leader began to tell us about the story behind the pond. So I guess some years ago, some people in the area dug out this large area to make their own pond. However, in doing this, many of them died from the heat. Now today, the pond is all dried up. That’s such a sad idea to me because all of these people and families worked so hard on this pond, which costed some of them their lives, and now today it is dried up. God spoke to me through this story:
You could spend so much time and effort on something or someone; pouring into them so much, into your vision of their potential, even when others may not see it. You may dedicate so much of yourself to help someone that you end up losing yourself, your values and your morals in order to build them up. But after awhile, they dry up and fall back to their natural ways. There’s nothing you could’ve done differently. Just like the pond- they did everything they could to make this beautiful vision in their minds into reality. In doing that, they did everything right but they could only pour into, give and do so much. That’s the case with the people you try to help too- YOU can only pour into, give and do so much for them. You can only plant the seed. They need to decide and allow the living water to fill them and keep them full or they will just dry up. And if they do dry up…that is not your fault and nor is that your weight or your burden to carry.
This has been such a hard concept for me. I love caring for people. My passion is to help people in any way that I can. But God has been laying this idea on my heart for awhile now. The idea that if those people you were helping decide to backslide, that is not your fault. There’s nothing more you could’ve done. That is such a hard pill to swallow because it’s easier to blame myself than to accept that they decided to turn around and go down the wrong path. God spoke to me last night and told me to read Jeremiah 5. In verses 12-13, it explains how the prophets tried to deliver Gods message to Judah but the people refused it. At the bottom of my study bible it said, “This refusal was not because the prophets failed to do their job but because the people failed to listen. The prophet and the people both have responsibilities. The prophet- to proclaim Gods message faithfully. The people- to listen and apply it to their lives.” This really spoke to me with a couple situations that have occurred in my high school season. God may call you to deliver messages to different people to help them and to encourage them to turn from their ways and walk with Christ. But in the end, they have to choose whether or not they are going to listen and apply that message to their lives. If they don’t, that is not your fault. As long as you delivered the message faithfully, that is all you could’ve done. As hard as it is not to blame myself when I see people I care about falling back into their old ways, I can only plant the seed. They have to allow it to be nourished in order to grow. If they don’t, then it will dry up just like the pond did.
Time and time again Satan will get into my head and try to convince me that I should have and could have done more to help my friends. At times, I fall for his lies. I’d rather blame myself than to believe that the people I care about and love so much would decide to go down a path full of depression and brokenness when I know that God has so much more in store for them. However, carrying that weight and blame all on my shoulders is really pushing me down. So currently, God is really trying to help me find healthy boundaries. I know my passion is helping and caring for people. But I also know that it is very unhealthy to carry all of their weight on my own shoulders. It’s hard for me to step back and give their lives and heart to God but I know that’s what I have to do.
All of that being said, if you are reading this and you are struggling and hurting and really just trying to get out of the slump you are in, or just simply altogether lost, please send me an email and I would love to pray for you and encourage you as much as I can from over here in Cambodia. If you feel like your heart is dried up and you’re wanting to feel full again, know that you are never too lost to be found. Know that you are never too far down the hole that you dug, to get out. Know that God will climb down that hole himself and pull you out because that is how much He cares about you. Know that God will go down that dark path that you got lost on and He will find you and He will guide you back home because that’s how much He loves you. It’s okay to be lost. But never give up on being found. You just gotta ask and He will be there as your light guiding you home. He will fill you with living water and He will build you back up and reveal to you what your purpose is. Don’t settle for what you think you deserve. God has so much more for you. Don’t allow your past to define you but instead allow it to grow you and enable you to become the messenger to deliver Gods love and grace to those around you.
Here’s my cup, Lord. Fill it up, Lord.
