I’m scared to go home.
Like actually, I talk a lot about coming home and how excited I am. But underneath all the excitement, fears are running deep.
Fears that people at home won’t understand me – that I won’t be able to fully express what the lord has done in and through me this year. Fears that I will conform back into the Kylie that I was before I left.
I’ve got to see and experience too much to go back to the way I was. I’ve got to experience raw, real worship. I’ve got to experience the desperation of my soul longing for the one who created me. I’ve got to experience the fullness of God. Ive got to experience real vulnerability and trust. I’ve got to see heaven come down.
The community I am surrounded by here knows more about me than anyone else – ever. They know all the surfacey things and the deep things. They know all my flaws. They know all my quirks. They know when to let me be alone. They know when to give me hugs. They know when I’m upset by the look of my face. They know all my fears. They know all my insecurities. They know what brings my heart most joy. They literally know it all.
And I’m so freaking thankful for all that.
But more than that, they know how to live out Truth. They know how to be led by the Holy Spirit. They know scripture like the back of their hand. They live their lives devoted to prayer. They encourage and lift me higher. They want all of Jesus and nothing else this empty world has to offer. They seek after all spiritual gifts and know what it looks like to walk out in them. They have no shame of boldly worshipping, loving hard and sharing the gospel. They know when to give and receive hard truth. And so freaking much more.
How desperately I want and desire my community at home to seek after the Father’s face every single moment. There is just SO much more to God that we don’t even know yet, may even not know until we go Home. But I want to experience the COMPLETE fullness of Him while I’m on this earth. I want Him to lead me everywhere. I want to experience the complete fullness of what living out the gift of prophecy looks like. The gift of faith. The gift of wisdom. The gift of healing. The gift of tongues. The gift of dreams. The gift of visions. All the freaking gifts. I am bold for the Kingdom now – I wanna be even more bold at home. I don’t ever want to not have a fire inside of me to know Him and make Him known. Because He is the EXACT same God who is present in Africa, Europe, Australia AND America.
He’s just so dang good.
We are lights in this dark, fallen world. And it’s our job to go and tell of who He is and what He’s done.
ITS OUR JOB. ITS OUR PURPOSE. GET UP AND GO.
He has BIG plans for you and me. We just have to step out of our comforts. Step out of the boat. Step into our calling. Could you imagine what could happen in your life if you left it completely up to Him?? He created the entire universe in 6 DAYS. THATS IT. Take a minute and really think about that. Imagine what He could do in and through you in the 80 years you have left on earth. Geez. If we could only grasp this truth. The plans – they are wild, they are great, they are full of Him.
The impact He had while living on earth was SO significant that we are still talking about it two thousand years later. He was completely led by His Father. Imagine what can happen when we are COMPLETELY led by the exact same Father. Phew. I don’t know about you but that sounds like it for me. Nothing else sounds more perfect. To completely surrender my life into His.
And I hope the same for you.
So yes, I am scared to come home. Terrified, actually. But I serve a good good Father who takes care of His children. Who knows the desires of my heart. Who knows my fears. Who knows it all.
