Anyways, other things……
Some stuff has come up over the last few days that has made me look at my identity, who I am, and how I have gotten to this point where I am about to close up shop and leave the country for a whole 11 months on a journey that I am sure will stretch me more than I have ever been stretched before.
Who am I?
I had a telephone conversation 3 days ago with someone who I haven't spoken to in over a year. This person is actually one of the people that, although it was not easy at the time (I was in fact a big pile of broken pieces and tears more than once)……has, through circumstances, helped me to stretch and grow the most. At one time I didn't know who I was, I was insecure, and not happy with myself or my life, and instead of figuring out who I was I sought for others to give me my identity. I lost myself in someone else and allowed people and circumstances to dictate to me who I was and what I wanted out of life. I had absolutely NO personal boundaries, and compromised values and things about myself out of fear of rejection and fear of the unknown. But I still wasn't happy. I was more scared of the unknown, than the unhappy known. I didn't know who I wanted to be, or where I wanted to go in life, and instead of taking the proverbial "bull" by the horns and trying to figure that out, I allowed someone else to do it for me.
Just an aside….the person that I spoke to on the phone the other day was not responsible for everything that happened, it was more than just him involved, and my own choices of avoidance, and lack of personal responsibility take more than just a slice of that pie. He just happened to be the trigger for this blog. That being said….If you read this….sorry that you had to be the one that made this blog possible…..but as the French say, "C'est la vie" (and for all of those non-french speaking Americans that could possibly be reading this, "Such is life")
Can I just say that I now know this…….IF YOU AREN'T HAPPY WITH YOURSELF THEN NOONE ELSE IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, you have to be secure in who you are yourself. If it had been even a year ago, I would not feel as good as I do about the conversation from the previous day. As it is, because I am secure in my identity in Christ, it felt like I was talking to an old and very dear friend. I would not be the same person that I was today if we had never dated, and I also would not be the same if things had not happened the way they did. In the end, an easier road would have meant less growth and looking back, despite all of the pain, I would not change it for anything. Since that awful and heart breaking "break-up" I have learned and grown more than I ever have. I know who I am, and I am happy with who I am. I don't need a boyfriend to give me identity, or anyone else for that matter! I am a strong woman, one that has many gifts, given to me by my Father in heaven. I am the only person like me in the whole entire history of the world. I have a destiny, I have a purpose. God created me in His image.
Genesis 1:27
So God created mankind in his own image…
And if He says that I am created in His own image then I am surely destined for greatness! He has an amazing plan for my life, and the only one that I need to lose myself in in order to walk in that greatness is HIM! Over the last couple of years life has been a huge learning, stretching, and growing experience. I have come to know myself better than I ever have before, I know what I want, I have learned to set boundaries (and still am learning to), and my Daddy up in heaven is placing desires in my heart that I would never have imagined having before now.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This blog is partly to share what I have been through to get to where I am today, and partly to encourage others. We don't all know who we are, and many of us are searching, trying to get our needs met in whatever ways we can. Whether it be through people or things. I can honestly say through my experience that neither will ever meet the needs that we have, the only thing that can ever meet our needs is the love of God. My identity lies in Him, and because of that I know without a doubt that this next season of my life will be absolutely incredible!
Psalm 139: 1-18 & 23-24
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
