We leave in less than one hour and I need to breathe, to simply sit and reflect and take a breath. It sounds simple enough, but for me it is not, I like motion and the busy moments of life, the ones where there is a flurry of activity and things are getting done. But this moment deserves a breath, it needs one.
I feel like this past five months has been a whirlwind, a season of stretching and growth that is possibly greater than any other season of life that I have walked through thus far, or maybe it just feels like it because it is still so fresh.
God has used this squad to teach me so much about Him. He has expanded my ability to love far beyond what I can comprehend, until my heart feels full to bursting at the weight of the love that it bears. He has taught me more about patience and grace, that my capability for it is only because of Him, and that He always has more of it for us. He has taught me to celebrate not only my strengths but also my weaknesses, because that is where He is able to most manifest His power in my life. I have learned that perfection is not the standard that He measures me by, and that if that is my qualifier then I will never be good enough for Him to use me. I have learned that my value is not defined by what I do, but instead by who I am. I have learned that compassion and empathy are more important than problem solving and fixing people. He has taught me the value of being true to myself, rather than trying to change or be someone else in order to fit in. I have learned that tears are an invitation, not just into the heart of a person, but into the heart of God. I have learned more about humility than I wanted to, but have also experienced so much freedom thanks to the practice of it. God has revealed to me more about repentance and forgiveness and the necessity of practicing it on the daily for the healing and liberation that it brings to ones soul.
I have walked beside forty-six young adults as they said yes to the uncomfortable, yes to the more, yes to the gospel. These people have taught me to reach further than I ever thought I could go, and their dreams have encouraged me to dream bigger than I thought possible. I am so grateful for X-squad and the season that we got to share with them, and while I am sad that it is over, I leave with a heart that is full of joy, peace and love, because they don’t need us anymore, and that means that we have done the job that we came to do, they are equipped, they are ready, and I can’t wait to see what God does through them as they continue to take this world by storm.
