September 23, 2015
Joey and I have been on the race for exactly two weeks now. We are currently in San Jose, Costa Rica with team Bio-Luminescence, and are enjoying a day of rest. This morning we did some listening prayer as a group. We so often get wrapped up in a world of talking to God, telling Him what our needs are, and focusing on ourselves in the process that we sometimes forget that He has things to say to us, and that if we just stopped, sat in the quiet, and opened our hearts to Him, He would speak to our very souls. Here’s what He whispered to mine.
“Dig deeper into My heart, I am more than anything you can ever imagine, but I want to reveal more of who I AM to you. Let Me show you My heart for you.” -God
“There is so much freedom in your relationship with the Father. Don’t hold back” –God
And then He painted a picture for me. We were walking hand-in-hand down streets of gold, just Him and I. And as we walked, we talked. There was so much freedom in our movements, each open to give and receive, sharing our hearts and conversing freely together.
I feel like there was such a lack of freedom in my relationship with my own dad in so many areas, that when I try to picture myself walking down the street hand-in-hand with him, the image looks and feels different. There is stiffness in the interaction, an uncomfortable edge to the conversation, an invisible wall is there, and a lack of freedom in the interaction, a fear of acceptance and rejection.
I have allowed that need for emotional restraint, the feelings of fear and condemnation to creep into the way that I interact with the God as my Father. I have allowed my wounds power over me, and also power over the way that I perceive God, as a Father who is unsafe to come to with the deeper things of my heart for fear of them not being received with love and compassion.
The Lord is taking me into deeper places with Him, unearthing buried parts of me, and showing me that He is bigger than all of my hurts, fears and insecurities. There is so much beauty in diving into the deep places and acknowledging the life that can come from pressing in and letting go.
Unearth what is in the details of my changing world,
Be honest,
Dig a bit through the coarse, unusual places – events
Stop, take it all in, savor it, and then
I need to take a moment to breathe.
Repeat the process with a new enchantment in the uniqueness of the imperfect.
Discover the broken, shouting out neglect and damage.
Look, really look, at these with new sight. There is a universe of loveliness in them, beautiful and new.
I want to continually change and evolve,
Challenge myself, breathe, and expand,
Rethinking perfection.
It encourages me to stretch my imagination, to see how I nurture all of me.
So that I never stop dreaming.
– Kylie Grace Willis
God is continually challenging me, picking up the broken pieces of my self, but instead of gluing them back together so that they look like they did before, He is forming them into something new. Molding then into something so different that the old me is slowly disappearing and the new me is looking more and more like the image of who He created me to be.
In Christ I am truly finding freedom.
