I should start by informing you this is not a blog about some Christian girl who has it even partially together. There are some not so pretty parts of Kylee going to be exposed. Fair warning…
Not so long ago, I lived life thinking I never struggled with pride. How could you struggle with pride if insecurity and imperfection ruled your life?
Then one day, about three years ago, I sat in a crowd of 500+ as a man spoke about this pride thing and my view forever changed.
He said, “Some people in here probably think they’ve never struggled with pride. But I wonder, have you ever had your feelings hurt? Why? Do you think you deserve to be treated a certain way? Sounds a little like pride.”
Since that day, the Lord has revealed to me hundreds of ways I struggle with pride. This month He added another to my list 🙂
One of my favorite things about God is how He not only showers us in love and grace, but also gives us gifts that allow us to both glorify Him and be a part of what He’s doing. Who are we that He would use us?!
Over the past year the Lord’s revealed one gift He’s given me, the gift of wisdom. But when my pride comes along, sometimes I start thinking the Lord “needs me” to share that wisdom to keep the world ticking, keep lives from falling apart, or even restore things back into order. Crazy, I know.
The other day, my team and I were studying Colossians. During these studies one person facilitates. That day, it was me.
As we dove in, verse by verse the Lord revealed a number of truths to me. My teammates shared what the Lord revealed tothemand the Lord gave me insight to add, it was the coolest thing!
But, the facilitator can’t say anything.
“But Lord, what you’re revealing to me would answer this person’s question and help them understand even more!”
“Nope.” He responded, “Today, you listen.”
“But Lord, can’t you see how important it is for them to get this?!”
“Kylee,” He said, “do you think they need you to understand this? Or Me?”
Over the past month, I’ve learned I’m quite the “fixer.” You have a question? I have an answer. You have a life problem? I got you, girl. You don’t know you have a life problem? I can help you with that one too!
And then you go to Ethiopia…
Then a friend back home experiences a hardship and you have zero wifi to advise. Then there’s a community food distribution and you get too sick to get out of bed. Then the Lord reveals a lot of truth to you during a bible study and tells you not to speak. Then a landslide occurs that kills hundreds and you have nothing to offer.
Then you realize, even if you could “fix” the world, mend all the brokenness and solve every problem, people wouldn’t know Christ better.
In John 3, John the Baptist talks about the joy from his time coming to an end. He rejoiced over people no longer following him, because that meant people were following Jesus instead. He celebrated his decrease, because it meant Christ’s increase.
God is really dang good at being God. He’s sovereign over every situation. He brings light into darkness. His power and might are bigger than comprehension. He’s more gracious and merciful than anyone could understand. He redeems and calls us worthy. He loves deeper than depth seems to go. He’s always victorious. He never leaves us. And on top of it all, He is the source of all good. I mean, holy moly, am I right?!?!
And yet, sometimes I make life more about how I can “fix” the world than about people simply knowing Him. Sometimes I make life more about filling people with my thoughts and solutions than His.
Everything in this world runs through the filter of God’s hands. And there are some things He allows that I don’t quite understand. But I’ve learned that if my heart is truly for people knowing Christ better, my focus would no longer be on “fixing.” Instead, it would be on pointing people to Him in the midst of the brokenness He’s allowed.
Lord, I pray that I would never get so caught up in “fixing” that I would forget to rest in how good You are at being God. I pray I would never make this life about what I have to offer but only about pointing everything and everyone to You. I pray for discernment in times You ask me to speak or do and times You ask me to sit back and let You be God. Forgive me for any moment I act like I know best or take over. Help me make my life simply about You increasing and me decreasing.
The Lord has been doing incredible things throughout this journey, both in my own life and in the lives I’ve encountered. I’m just $3,199 from my deadline of being fully funded by the end of this month! The Lord has been so gracious in showing off His provision thus far. All prayers and consideration in financially joining this journey would be SO appreciated!
