On March 18th, due to increased fear of health risks and borders closing, AIM made the decision to remove our squad from the field. Transitioning back home has taught me a lot of things and a lot of my squad mates, family and friends keep asking me how I feel about abruptly being removed from the field twice in my race.
Half way through the race, I became very sick. Basically, what ended up happening is that I had to rush home and have surgery that rattled me a lot. I was back on the field roughly 19 days after my surgery, which blows my mind. The entire time I was in the air on my last flight I couldn’t stop singing God’s praises. It doesn’t make sense or seem feasible that after have pretty serious surgery, I would be going back. But God is so good and so faithful that I was back. And that’s what’s I kept telling people because it was true. But in that, I neglected to acknowledge that I was really hurting from what the surgery took away from me. And I struggled to understand how I could praise God for all that’s he’s doing, had done and will do, and also grieve deeply. The Lord taught me that it’s ok to look at your situation and truly believe that it sucks. And it’s ok to praise God because He is way way too good to you. And it’s ok to feel both at the same time. The fact of the matter is that it is beautiful to live in the “and”. Jesus was man and God. We are broken and redeemed. Your life is a victory and it can still be hit by the sin of this world. It’s ok to be afraid of the state of our world and still believe that God is greater. Living in the “and” gives God the freedom to move in any way He sees fit. It removes doubt. It takes away the feeling that if God were good, then the brokenness can’t exist. God is still good. More importantly, it teaches you to praise all the days of your life. That circumstance doesn’t take away from God’s glory.
Being taken off the field two months early sucks. I miss my squad and I miss our ministry and I feel like there was some much left there for me, that I deserved the extra two months. But the truth is, my 23 weeks on the mission field was no secret to God. He knew just how long I would be away from home. He knew all the twists and turns along the way. He knew that He would send me back to a community that is afraid. God sent me home. It sucks sometimes, and God is still too good. If this race turned out the way I would have expected it to, wanted it to, I would have been disappointed but the seven months I was on the field was better than anything I could have ever thought.
If the wind goes where You send it so will I.
Streams of mercy never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise.
This gift is for all, it’s not just for me.
