I am going to attempt to put into words how training camp went, without spoiling anything for any future racer who may read this.
DISCLAIMER: This is how I felt during training camp… some people break, some people don’t. Please don’t let this make you think that training camp is going to be like this for you. These are my experiences… not necessarily yours.
As most of you know, I am a planner. I like order and schedule and knowing what is going to happen so I can properly prepare. Before training camp, I scoured other racers blog post just to get a glimpse of what training camp would look like. I would read one after another, never satisfied with how vague they all were. I searched high and low just to find a little bit of insight into what to expect. Every single time, I would come up short. All the blogs I had read said it would be one of the most challenging, life changing events you could go through. Of course, I was not satisfied with that answer.
Eventually, I surrendered, knowing that I would not find a blog post with any major insight to training camp. I figured that I would get there and just find out, not really thinking it would be too difficult. When Kyndal (kyndalcody.theworldrace.org) came back, I found myself searching once again for the secrets of training camp. I would tell her, “Oh, only tell me what you think I should know,” but I was secretly praying that she would spill every single little detail. (She told me to bring granola bars… this was the best advice she gave me.)
What I wasn’t realizing while scouring those blog posts and picking at Kyn’s brain, was that the Lord was protecting me from those details so I could experience and work through them myself.
I never once thought training camp was going to be easy. I knew I was broken and needed the Lord to work in me. But I never, ever thought He was going to break me down into such miniscule pieces, only to build me back up so much stronger.
These past ten days have been the worst ten days of my life. I have cried more in the last two weeks than I have in the last year. I have felt so physically defeated that I was going to call my mom and tell her to book me a flight to come home early (this was day three I must add). I have had to face my baggage and abandonment issues head on. I have pleaded with God every single day with why, what, and how questions. Training camp broke me.
The last night of camp, I fell asleep to the sound of some of my squad mates singing worship songs. This is when I knew that I was redeemed. This is when I knew that God protected me from the training camp details I had searched and begged for for so long. If I had known the details of training camp, my anxiety would have been full frontal, and to be completely honest with you, I don’t think I would have gone to camp. I would have been too afraid.
After experiencing training camp, I can say that yes, it was the worst ten days of my life, yes, it broke me, and no, I don’t want to do it again, but I am so lucky I had this opportunity and I would not change it for the world.
God had to break me apart to help me see Him more clearly. That is exactly what He did.
This is kind of a two-part blog, so be on the lookout for another training camp blog with different, more specific details!
