There is someone in my life that I don’t really talk to. This person and I were closer than anything but they made some decisions that I did not agree with and I decided that I didn’t want to surround myself with that. I have not had any real conversation with this person in probably a year and a half to two years. I love this person with all my heart, but my heart breaks for them.
On Saturday, my phone rang. It was them. I was stressed out with party planning, getting food made, and getting ready. I had every excuse not to answer. Something was telling me to answer the phone. God was telling me to answer the phone. After a moment of panic, I answered. I had a conversation with this person and although I was anxious, I was at peace with it. This person told me to enjoy the party, and brought up the World Race. I had not told this person about the mission, but they knew. They told me it scared the heck out of them. I told them that it was in God’s perfectly capable hands. They agreed. They told me they love me… I told them I love them too. Then the conversation ended.
After this call, I felt God put two distinct words on my heart: forgive and missions.
FORGIVE: I have held this person at a higher standard than most. After the phone call and after having the word forgive placed on my heart, I am realizing that we are all human. We all make mistakes. We all have faults. We all sin. Everyone sins differently and why would I judge someone because the sin differently than me? I can’t do that.
Matthew 6 verses 14-15 say, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Forgiveness is a hard thing… but our God calls us to forgive. He calls us as Christians to forgive and to love others as He loved us. He is the one who with have the final judgment… not us.
For me to think I can judge this person for what they have done, is obsurd. Do I have to agree with what they did or like what they did? Of course not. But I have absolutely no right to judge them and as God calls me to do, I need to forgive them. It has taken such a long time for me to get to this place of forgiveness. But I can say with an open heart, that I forgive them.
To the person this is written about, if you read this… I forgive you and I do love you.
MISSIONS: When I answered the phone call of this person, it paralleled the call to missions I had. When I felt my call to missions, it was a very distinct call that I felt at a very distinct moment. My desire to share the gospel through missions did not happen gradually, it was very abrupt. I didn’t have much time to think about it, I just knew I needed to do it. It was scary because all my plans were thrown out the window, but when God calls you to do something, you do it.
Just like my call to missions, I didn’t have time to think about answering the phone call. I easily could have let it go to voicemail. That would have been easier. Not having to face what scares me to most- abandonment. But God doesn’t call us to live an “easy” life. He calls us to share the gospel with the nations (Matthew 16:15) which can be difficult sometimes. For me, when I answered that phone call, that is what I was doing. I was getting the opportunity to share our God with someone who I don’t think knows Him all that well.
God is calling me to face my fears, He is pushing me to my limits, He is making me uncomfortable, and He is teaching me about forgiveness. None of these things are simple. They are all complex and difficult. But that is how God works. He doesn’t make everything easy nor does He “baby” us. We pushes us and helps us grow by challenging us.
So if this blog didn’t make any sense, its because I just spilled my entire heart onto a page. And you know, my heart doesn’t make sense sometimes. But I hope something resonated with you and got you thinking. Maybe you have someone you need to forgive. If so, I challenge you to spend time with God and talk to Him about how you feel. I challenge you to think deeply about what this person did and what God is calling you to do. It is a hard conversation to have, but once you do, I promise there will be such a relief in your heart.
PRAYER REQUESTS AND UPDATES:
I have about $11,000 out of $14,000! Woohoo! Please consider partnering with me financially to help me raise the rest of the money. Of course, please pray that I can raise the rest of the funds and continue to trust God fully.
I am headed to Chicago to meet some teammates and I could not me more excited! I am excited to hang out, explore a new city, and worship the Lord with them! Please pray that our travels go smoothly and the safety of all of us.
I am graduating high school on June 3rd! I have enjoyed my high school career but am excited for the next chapter in my life.
As always, please know that I am praying for you and if you have any specific prayer requests, don’t hesitate to contact me.
