in·se·cure
[?insi’kyo?or]
ADJECTIVE
-
(of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious:synonyms: unconfident · uncertain · unsure · doubtful · hesitant · self-conscious · unassertive · diffident · unforthcoming · shy · timid · retiring · timorous · inhibited · introverted · anxious · fearful · worried · mousyantonyms: confidentWhen I was first accepted into the World Race, I was on a Godly high. My passions were for Him, my focus was on Him, my excitement was because of Him. When we are on these “highs,” that is when the devil tries to attack. Now, I am not one to really talk about the devil. I believe that the devil does not deserve my time or energy. But lately, I have been feeling attacked. I have been feeling like the devil is throwing all my insecurities in my face and telling me that I am not worthy of such a trip. I am not worthy of the friendships I am making. I am not worthy of how my relationship with Christ is growing. The devil is using everything he can to try and make me feel insecure. And to be honest… it has been affecting me. A lot.This past week has been especially hard. I have been feeling insecure in just about every aspect of my life. From my outward appearance, to my close friends, my schoolwork, and even thinking about what it will be like leaving my family for 9 months. I feel the devil trying to tell me not to go on this trip by using the most important things I have.I love education. But coming home and crying because of how frustrated I am definently isn’t helpful.I love my friends. But having friendships stretched thin over minor things makes my heart ache.I am beautiful. But the media creeps in and tells you that in order to be beautiful, you have to always be in perfect hair and makeup.I love my family. More than anything. But it breaks my heart to think I will miss my brother’s 16th birthday and celebrate my mom’s birthday with her.But what I realized, while sitting outside looking up at the cloudless sky, is that God embraces these insecurities. God wants me to know that I am loved, I am cherished, and I am honored. God chose me. He chose me to be on a team that travels the world to spread Him. He chose me to live a life in Georgetown, Texas before the race. He chose me to be his hands and feet.My education will never stop. I will never stop learning. I will learn in school, then I will learn in the world. I will learn about life, and love, and passion, and yes, even British Literature.Friends will come and friends will go but the one true friend I always have is my God. “He will never leave [me] nor forsake [me].” Deuteronomy 31:6God made me perfect. God doesn’t look just at your outwards appearance, He looks at your heart. He created you. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13Is it going to be hard to leave my family? Of course. But I should be as excited for myself as they are for me. I deserve this.As I have 1 year left in the United States, I have a letter for the devil:Dear devil,You don’t get to win. I do. You want to know why? Because I have my Father on my side. You can try to make me see myself as flawed. And you know what? I am flawed. But guess what else… it doesn’t matter. My flaws are what make me beautiful. My insecurities do NOT define me. My God made me perfect. I am worthy of this trip. I am worthy of my God. I am worthy of education, and friendship, and love, and my family. I am worthy of the beauty of life.You don’t win.I win.God wins.-Kylee“If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31This blog is probably all over the place. But that is where my head is at. A little bit here and a little bit there. God understands though… and that’s what matters.
