A few nights ago I was in Swaziland at a hostel getting ready for my travel day to Asia. It was a peaceful night filled with God's presence and revelation. That's when it all started…that's when my heart began to convert to one that longs for nothing but God.
I was sitting next to the campfire after most others had went to bed and was enjoying my pipe – my biggest vice on the race. Before the race I never really smoked much. It was really just a memorable thing that I did in honor of the memory of my best friend who passed away in 2009. Before his death he got pretty big into cigars and I followed shortly behind him. It never was a big vice before the race, but while on the race it has been my number 1 go to. It's a sad truth that God is correcting.
I remember when I first started smoking in Ecuador. I felt like the Lord was warning me that if I continued that the enemy would use it as leverage against me and I had a big risk of getting mouth cancer. Frightening as that sounds (and is) I willingly disobeyed the Lord's warning and continued on smoking in denial of the harsh truth that had been revealed to me.
So, there I was enjoying my pipe next to the campfire when I heard Jesus' voice cry out to me in my head. He was pleading me to stop saying, "Kyle! This isn't what I have for you!" His voice wasn't in anger nor did it sound dissapointed. It was a desperate cry of love. A cry that has been playing over in my head for the past few days.
I lost all desire to smoke that night. Every time I have chosen to puff on my pipe I replay that voice in my head and stop. The enjoyment I use to have in smoking is now completley and totally gone. I got rid of the rest of the tobacco I had tonight and have absolutley no interests or desires to ever buy any more.
Now when I feel overburdened I just want to get away and talk it out with God. Since doing so I have felt 100% better and it has actually taken all of the frustrations and temptations I have away. The hardest part is remembering that He is the one that I need to run to and that nothing of this world is ever going to satisfy the deepest innermost parts of my soul.
