So the following day we went to the dump and played with the kids. As we were playing I prayed asking God which of the girls to give the doll too. At first I felt like He was telling me to give the doll to this one girl. I had been chasing her around all day the day before and she seemed to be very bright and outgoing, perhaps even bold in the way she played with us. She couldn’t have been more than five years old. As I approached her to give her the doll she froze up. She wouldn’t take it. I thought at first perhaps she was playing a game by not looking at me and pretending I wasn’t there, but after prying her a little more I noticed her entire body was shaking. When I turned to see her face she had tear drops pouring out of her eyes and she had this look of terror across her face.
Immediately I backed away and felt awful. I don’t know what I did to make her literally physically and emotionally afraid of me. I was gentle, loving, and kind in all of the ways I was approaching her and up to that point she seemed to be having a lot of fun. – Then I remembered what our contact had told us about some of the kids who lived here. Many had been and still are victims of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse by their parents and other adults alike. While I can’t say for sure what the girl was scared of I know in my spirit that she thought I was about to hurt her in some way. If only I could put my feelings down into words for you so that you could understand the rage, extreme sorrow, and remorse I had for this young girl. It kills me every time I think about it.
I prayed for a few minutes after the incident with this young girl and asked God if He still wanted me to give the doll away to another girl. “Go ahead.” was what I heard God say and so I did. I found another young girl probably around the age of eight or nine who was energetic and ecstatic about us being there. Her eyes were full of joy and she was happy just to be able to play with a bunch of Gringos (Spanish term for white people). When I gave her the doll her eyes lit up and even more joy poured out of her. Thrilled with the idea that she got to play with a brand new doll was something breath taking to her. – Then God hit me again…this girl, like most of the children who lived at the dump, didn’t get new toys, clothes, or anything “new” for that matter. They got it out of the trash…LITERALLY! Very few of them had ever received something from outside of the dump and for me to give this girl a brand new doll was unimaginable for her. Better than Christmas even!
Now please know that I’m not saying all of this to boost up my own ego or reputation. After all I was only doing what God had told me to do and in doing so He showed me something different…something breathtaking…something real. He allowed me to realize that my life could be a lot worse. He gave me a heart for the children of the dump (in fact I spent a few days praying about quitting the race and staying with Inca Link, Peru in Trujillo just to work with these kids more). He gave me something I never had before and through it I’ve grown immensely.
