This month has been a bit more of a challenge for me than I expected. It's month 7 here in Bierra, Mozambique and my team is working with the Kadesh Orphanage. It's been a really awesome experience being here as the ministry itself is something similar that I feel like God might be calling me into one day. So it's definitely not the ministry that's been breaking me down.
I think I'm having a harder time this month simply because I've been away from home for 7 months and have seen some of the darkest places in the world. I've seen stuff that would be more than enough to change anyone with half a heart. I've lived in places where the daily food supply comes out of the local dump, where $10 USD is worth killing someone over, where life as we know it in America simply doesn't exist.
I've been exposed to the reality of this harsh world. A reality that can only be seen when we have indulged ourselves in it. It's safe for me to say that I miss the comforts of my home in little old Mills River, NC. I miss sleeping through the night and not waking up to every unknown sound. I miss my big warm bed and my refrigerator that has always been full (even though I might not have always seen it that way! – love you mom!) I miss the small inconveniences of life that I use to have that really weren't a big deal at all (someone cutting me off on the road, people being annoyingly loud, a broken coffee cup that leaks).
Yes I miss all of these things. Why? Because at the end of the day we don't remember those small inconveniences. We can go about our day and not worry about how we're going to get to work or where our next meal will come from. We can live blindly to what most of the world has to live with everyday.
Part of me wishes I didn't know the truth, but the reality is I do. It's because of this knowledge I've obtained by simply living life outside of America that I know I can't stop. I will never be the same. The truth is I'm not okay! I'm not okay knowing that the world is corrupt and broken in ways I didn't see before. I'm not okay going to a 9-5 job and living the comfortable life when people out in the world are starving and I can give them bread to eat! I'm not okay with turning a blind eye to the needy to overfill my plate with food I don't need! – I'm just not okay living that way anymore…
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