This month I’ve been reading Lance Armstrong’s autobiography, “It’s Not About The Bike”. I found the book at the last hostel we stayed in for our mini debrief and felt inclined to read it. I’ve never really been interested in cycling, cancer stories, or Lance Armstrong. Honestly I’m not sure why I picked the book up in the first place, but it has changed the way I think.
In the book Lance talks about the struggles of being in a foreign country and not knowing the cultural norms. He describes his cocky attitude as a cover up for deeper issues he was wrestling with, such as fear of being found a coward. Lance said that it was during this time in his life that he realized something crucial…he didn’t know who he was.
Something clicked when I read that. I realized how similar my story lines up with his. I am terrified of being found out. Why? Because, I don’t know who I am. Everything I have done up to this point in my life has been for other people. I got my eagle scout for my great grandfather. I went to college to make my parents happy. I got my black belt because that’s what my friends in karate did. The list goes on and on. Don’t get me wrong though! I enjoyed doing most of those things, but if it hadn’t been my for performance problems they wouldn’t have gotten done at all.
When I first realized this it scared me to death. I’m 21 year’s old and I have no idea who I am. I don’t know for sure what I like or what I don’t like. I’ve found myself coping thus far on the race by following other people and just doing whatever they do. Up until now I haven’t made that many decisions that weren’t influenced by other people around me. That’s a scary place to be for anyone.
Once I calmed down and re-looked at this minor speed bump in the road of my life, I actually got excited. I’m 21 years old and don’t know who I am or what to do with my life, but I am so blessed to figure that out now when I still have so many options. The way I see it the sky is the limit! I can do practically anything I want with my life! I could go back to school and finish my BA and move into a career I enjoy (don’t get your hopes up dad), I could hike the Appalachian Trail or the Camino de Santiago, I could move to Cape Town and work with a ministry I fell in love with. I can do anything that my heart desires! I just have to figure out exactly what that is and let God hold my hand as I go for it.
If your interested in helping me meet my financial deadline of $15,500, of which I've raised $13,125, you can donate online by clickin the "Support Me!" tab on the left hand side of this page OR you can donate by check or cash to the following address:
Kyle Stinnett
400 Turnpike Rd,
Mills River, NC 28759
