I’m so tired of being halfway for Christ and halfway for myself (or to be honest 99% for myself and 1% for Christ!). Didn’t His death on the cross signify death in my own life and His resurrection life put everlasting and eternal life into my own spirit? When I came to Christ (or when He came to me rather) didn’t He send His Holy Spirit upon me to come live inside of me? Does the Father not call me son and long after my heart to be completely intimate with His? If I believe all that is true, THAN WHY AM I STILL LIVING 99% OF MY LIFE FOR ME AND 1% FOR CHRIST?!
This has been my thought process coming onto the race and for the majority of my race has been the question I’ve been asking myself. Many people would say that going on an 11 month mission trip around the world that goes to 11 different countries where you will be given the option to preach the Gospel and love on God’s kids is completely dying to self and living 100% for Christ. While doing that is an awesome idea it’s still not living 100% for Christ. It’s living 11 months of which Christ is more or less forced into your daily life and mindset. It’s only living 100% for Christ when you choose to make it your life.
I really believed when I came on the race that by the time it was over it would have transformed me into this super Christian with all the answers and life experience that I would need to continue a life full of loving full-time ministry. While I am a completely different person on the inside from when I started, and I could probably say that in many ways this thought process has actually come true in this final month, it wasn’t the “World Race” that did it….it was the love of God.
(Dan Mohler) (Todd White)
I’ve been listening to a whole bunch of Todd White and Dan Mohler sermons and through them God has been showing me the Gospel in such a new and awesome way that I have no choice but to fully submit to Him – and I’m EXCITED about it! This month God has been showing me His love for me and I have just been dancing in the secret place with Him overjoyed by His presence and the fact that I’m a son!! It’s been amazing! Like soo good!
But at the same time my flesh on the outside has been battling the expectations that I have placed on myself by thinking that other people have placed them on me. I’ve been continuing on in my regular joking mannerisms to impress people and make them laugh. To the world this doesn’t look bad at all, but in the True reality it is a death trap to all who hear them. I have been making jokes at my own expense as well as others and even though we all know it’s just in the spirit of “good fun and games” it still is speaking death over myself and the people I direct them towards. This is just one example of the many things Jesus is killing inside of me and it is amazing! It’s hard but amazing!
So now God is giving me the ability to be red hot for His heart and walk in the Holy Spirit because HE LIVES INSIDE OF ME! I get to pray for people everyday and tell people that Jesus loves them and see people get healed, not just physically, but emotionally too. Why? Because their heavenly Father is awesome and loves them so much! It’ amazing and I love it! God has given me job – no the opportunity to “stomp hell for a living” by loving people everywhere I go and it is amazing the more that He just squeezes it out of me. I’m falling more and more in love with who I am created to be everyday.
But here’s the “downfall” to this type of lifestyle. Most people don’t get it. “13) If I acted crazy, I did it for God; if I acted overly serious, I did it for you. 14) Christ’s love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do.” – 2 Corinthians 5:13-14. God has literally put the heart of that message, not on my heart, BUT IN IT! I get words of knowledge frequently from God for certain people while out walking down the street, or doing ministry, or wherever and look absolutely crazy as I step out and give people those words. Whenever I do this most people around me think I’m nuts and freak out.
Last month in Cambodia we were prayer walking a slum area and as we passed by these two ladies standing on the street I got a word about one of them being an English teacher. As I approached them it was clear that none of them spoke English and so I got our translator to ask if either of them had ever been a teacher or wanted to be a teacher. One of the women stepped up and said that 10 years ago she was an English teacher for little kids and was going to continue her education and teach adults English, but when she met her husband she gave up school for him. After having his children she found that her life was a mess as he was abusive and didn’t treat her right. He had recently left her and because of it she told us she had fallen to alcohol as a way out. Jesus was so awesome that before she had even finished her story He gave me more words for her about how He was getting ready to make a big move in her life and help her out. When we left that lady she had tears rolling down her eyes and was excited that she now could call me “brother” in Christ. It was amazing and if I hadn’t made that crazy move than she might not have gotten that encouragement or realized the depth of God’s love for her that day, in that moment. – Granted it wasn’t for my glory that this happened, but Jesus’! He just gave me the words and I obeyed! He did the healing!
Another quick testimony happened earlier this month while we were prayer walking in the streets of Malaysia. We walked upon this homeless man that we had met at Kawan, a local homeless shelter. He spoke halfway decent English and we were able to carry on a conversation with him. As we were talking God had given me words for him about his past life with drugs (I didn’t even know this guys name, much less anything about his life). When I asked him if he used to do drugs before he met Jesus the environment got a little hostile. I could tell that the group I was with got a little on edge with me asking and even the man himself just glared at me. – Apparently he had been kicked out of Kawan earlier that week for bringing in drugs. I had no idea. – “No drugs.” he told me. Unfortunately his English wasn’t good enough for me to continue explaining why I asked, but later on that night as we continued to talk to him I saw a vision of Jesus freeing him from drugs and saw how much Jesus loved him and how much he was crazy about Jesus. After seeing that I looked at the man and said, “You really love Jesus a lot don’t you?” Then he looked me dead in the eyes and with the most intense and compassionate voice said, “Yes. I really do.” HAHAA! Isn’t Jesus amazing?!
Getting back to what I was saying, yes there is the downfall that to the world I’m going to look like an absolute idiot for the rest of my life, but there is so much freedom in doing that! It hurts when people don’t see it the way I see it, but not because they’ve come against me or because they think I’m crazy. It hurts because they don’t see Jesus the way I do…the full brunt of the reality of His love hasn’t hit them the way it has me and it breaks my heart. It kills me! I would do anything for them to experience God our Father the way I do because His love is just so worth it!
So that’ the incredibly awesome mess I’m in today, right now, and for the rest of my life. I’m not changing. I’m not going back. I’ve come way too far for that now and I know way too much! haha God isn’t going to let me escape back into the world even if I wanted to. It’s so amazing! Jesus loves you. He really really really really loves you! He thinks you are so amazing and just UGH! He loves you!
