Hey Folks!
Here’s a heavy one.
I first want to thank my mother for raising me in Church, the Holy Spirit, for conviction and correction, and a list of people who have helped me through my walk with Christ, whether it be through friendship, love, tough love, a hand to the back of the head, long talks over pizza, or leading by example.
My testimony is best explained as a person who barely put their foot through the door of Christianity, and sat there quite contently.
Let’s break open the Bibles. Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think…” (NLT). This is a verse that I should have been introduced to years and years ago, because it reflects exactly what I did not do. Sure, I knew the story of Jesus and many of the other cinematic stories from the Bible, but when it came down to learning the lessons of how I should live I didn’t make it past the ten commandments.
That resulted in a long road of rules structured by my own conclusions, and the conclusions from philosophical debates with friends. I also have a nasty habit of trying to get away with anything that I can, so my rules were carefully crafted to fit my desires. I drank, but never “too much”. I was promiscuous, but never full coitus, because no sex before marriage. I was judgmental. I was not patient. I was vengeful, spiteful, selfish, and my mouth poured obscenities and hurtful words…
In case you were wondering, this is not the ideal picture of a person saved through the grace of Jesus Christ.
In college, waist-deep in my carefully crafted picture of Christianity, I met and began dating one of the first Godly women I would ever be in a relationship with. She blew my mind and was (is) absolutely fantastic. But she set sexual boundaries for us. This was new. My emotions were mixed. On one hand, I knew that that sort of activity was reserved for marriage and what she was enacting was the right thing, on the other hand my selfish sinful me didn’t want purity.
Two months later, I crumbled to temptation and cheated on this woman.
Soon after, I contacted her and confessed my actions. We ended the relationship, and in that next week she said something to me that opened my eyes. “You’re the kind of person who gets as close to the line of doing something wrong and stops. I think that’s worse than someone who does wrong.”
Iron punch to the gut.
But you know what’s more amazing? It wasn’t enough to change me yet.
A friend whom I love very much dated a girl that I was also attracted to. For some time, actually. Soon after they broke up I swooped in to be the friend who helped both of them with the new emotional wounds. However, that long-suppressed attraction came to light and we messed around. I was (rightly) subjected to a lot of scorn and shame.
One phrase got my attention, “But you’re the white knight. You’re not supposed to do those sorts of things.” You know what that person didn’t say? They didn’t say, “but you’re a Christian”. That made me look in the mirror.
I saw a selfish boy. So I opened my bible to Genesis 1, and I read it from front to back. I joined Bible studies, I attended Church more regularly, I gained relationships that would hold me accountable for my sin, and all of these things are wonderful and blessed, but the most important part is that God truthfully came into my life at that moment and he began healing me and changing me.
Here’s a challenge. Let God into your life. Understand that Jesus died for your sins. What then? Repent. Grow closer to God. The pain in my relationships was created by me, but had I been living in accordance with God’s will that would have all been avoided.
I love my home Church because they hold the mirror up and say, “Does this look like God’s will? No? Let’s pray, and then see how we can change.” That’s the call for all Christians. Repent and be baptized. Turn away from sin. Do you know anyone who preaches moral behavior, but the rules seem to change when it applies to them? (Like me, for example). Do you do that yourself? (I know I still do). Jesus doesn’t call us to get baptized and then hang out until we die, he calls us to be a living sacrifice, and he calls us to go among the nations and make disciples.
So here I am. I am still tremendously imperfect, and I am not close to “having it together.” But I can encourage you with this from my own personal experience, if you think you know Jesus or God, open your Bible and take it seriously.
“But if you refuse to forgive others, [God] will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15. This one hurt a lot. I had to make some phone calls. I had to give hugs that I didn’t want to. I had to let God change my heart.
“Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.” Romans 12:14. This should change what I say about ISIS now, shouldn’t it?
The list goes on.
This is how I came to take my faith seriously. God is helping me grow in integrity and challenge me every day. I hope that he challenges you as well.
Here is a link to a song that represents my testimony. I hope you enjoy it. (Vocal credit does not go to me).
https://soundcloud.com/sinprognosis/god-saved-me-from-me
God Bless
