There are so many things going through my head right now! Just when I think the excitement couldn’t get any stronger, I see more of what this mission has done for other people and it gets even stronger!
As this excitement brews, I have to admit… I’m shaking in my boots sometimes. I don’t know if it’s because I applied late and didn’t realize that other people on the trip have been preparing for months and months to get ready to go. I don’t know if it’s because the first time I logged into our team blog, I saw hundreds of posts from people going on the trip that dated back to before I even knew about AIM and The World Race. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t even graduated college yet and have been focusing all my energy to being the executor of my dad’s estate. It could even be the thought of having to get so much gear and so many shots and still raise a TON money all before I even walk across the stage at my graduation on May 22 (the same day I leave for training camp).
I don’t know what it is… but it’s definitely one or a combination of something like that.
It doesn’t get to me all the time. Most of the time, I’m very focused on the end goal and will work however hard I need to in order to get a job done. It’s only when I stop moving and think about all that still needs to be done that the shivers come. While I’m working on making progress on my preparation list, I have all the confidence in the world that God will take care of my worries and everything will get done: the money raised, the arrangements to be gone for a year made, the gear found at a good price. When I’m busy working, I see His presence in all of those areas.
When I stop and look around at what needs to happen…that’s when it comes. That’s my time to get a glimpse of all that God is working on when I’m not necessarilly paying attention. I see it and I know I can’t do it by myself, which gets me scared because it’s out of my control. In the end, it just reminds me that everything God does is God-sized! I’m just the tool that He’s chosen to use for this particular project of His.
How unimpressive would it be if the only testimony I had to tell of God working in my life was something that I could do by myself? How many people who don’t know Jesus would listen to me give that boring testimony and make the decision to start a relationship with Him? I’ll tell you: none. They would have no reason to!
God led me to this trip. There’s no other explanation for it. He singled me out and made me believe that He wanted to work through me in countries around the world, all while building my own faith. The only reason I chose to go was through the faith and trust I have in Him to make it happen. That’s all I’ve got, when it really comes down to it.
But you know what? That’s all I’ll ever need.
