Thailand was an interesting month for me. When I landed in Bangkok, I didn’t like the feeling that I had. It’s hard for me to explain, but I didn’t feel comfortable. I’m not sure if it was me sensing the spiritual warfare around me, or just the fact that I missed China. Whatever it was, it almost made Thailand a wasted month for me. As soon as I got off the plane, I had the feeling that I didn’t like Thailand and it was hard for me to change that opinion.
Ministry in Thailand was awesome, but it was pretty tough. We were immersed in a pretty rough environment, with a lot of evil going on all around us. Also, it is a long process to accomplish what we are trying to do, so it is hard to see fruit from our ministry that month. It was hard comparing the little steps that we were making to the final goal of ending the demand of the sex industry in Chiang Mai and Thailand as a whole. The enemy continued to feed me as well as others doubt in a seemingly hopeless situation, so we had to continue to remind ourselves that greater is He that is at work in us than he that is at work here in this world. Our God is bigger than lust and the stronghold that it has created across the globe.
The first night that I went out to the bars to shine the light in the darkness, I almost let the darkness overwhelm me. As I was walking up and down the street, I had a huge battle of emotions inside. At first I was angry at all the men flirting with the girls, but for some reason I got an extreme emotion of loneliness. I’m not sure where this sudden emotion came from, but I believe it was God allowing me to get a glimpse inside of the men’s minds. I was then able to look at them with pity; they are just lonely guys looking for affirmation from women and the feeling that someone loves them. They are trying to feel a void in their life with something that could never feel it. Most of them were old, probably had lost their wife, or never was loved by someone enough to get married. Others were just different and probably were always told that they were weird and unwanted by the world, so they feel that they can’t get love from a woman in any normal way so they have to partake of prostitution. I wanted so bad to hate all of those guys but I couldn’t, I just had an overwhelming desire to love them and make them feel wanted and important. I wanted to tell them they had purpose given to them by someone who loves them more than they could ever imagine.
I was filled with compassion for both the men and the women who feel hopeless and like there is no way out. I wanted to do something but what could I do? The enemy was pouring doubt and hopelessness into me and the others that were with me. Finally I realized it and was able to snap myself out of it and I said to those who are with me, “What are we doing? What are we going to possibly accomplish by walking up and down the street carrying the burden of hopelessness? We are supposed to be shining the light in the darkness. We are supposed to be making a difference but that is hard if we look like we are about to burst into tears at any moment. Let’s get over these emotions and go love people, and show them the joy that we have through Jesus Christ!” So we chose joy, and decided to go into a bar and make a difference. I am glad that I had that epiphany because otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have been able to make any impact in the bars, much less enjoy doing it.
