wanderlust
[won-der-luhst]
noun
1. a strong, innate desire to rove or travel about.
My race began when I first heard about it. After hearing a brief mention of the World Race from a friend, I had to ask what that was. It sounded like something similar to the TV show the Amazing Race. My friend proceeded to tell me that it was a mission trip that goes to 11 countries in 11 months.
My heart skipped a beat.
“There is something like that?! And it involves ministry and God?! I have to go.” These thoughts were racing through my head as my heart felt like it was going to burst through my chest. I knew that it was exactly what I had been searching for all along. I used to research and look into Gap Year programs, but they never seemed quite right. That night I went home and read almost the entire World Race website, read several blogs from other people who had been or were currently on the race and the first thoughts in my head were “You could never do that. You are committed elsewhere right now. People have expectations for you and you are obligated to fulfill them.” And those first thoughts of fear and guilt confirmed that God was pulling me toward the World Race, not me.
I have listened to the voice of Satan long enough to realize that when he is flooding my mind with fear, doubt, condemnation and guilt, it usually means that God is leading my life in that direction and Satan is scared of me actually realizing that it is part of my destiny.
So a little bit of my backstory. I am a native Texan. I have never lived in any other state, much less country, and barely even gotten to travel outside. However, since over 15 years ago, I have known deep in my heart that one day I would be overseas long-term. Not just a short trip here and there, but uproot from Texas and move my life there. Ireland and Australia were the countries pulling strongest on my heart and I never quite knew why.
I didn’t become a Christian until May 6, 2014. I had gone to church camp with my cousins, who lived 6 hours away, growing up because I am an only child and they are the closest relatives I have to siblings. Every year we went to camp, I had an emotional response to the gospel and would go up to the altar and surrender. Every year I would return home only to find that the King James Version of the Bible made no sense to me and I had nowhere to go to kindle the spark that had been ignited at camp. So the fire burned out quick and I went back to life the way it was before until the next year at camp.
I went through countless years of rebelling against my parents, fighting my way through the years until I turned 18 and was able to move out. My parents happened to be moving down to the Houston area for a new job my dad accepted and I refused to go. I refused to leave my friends, the familiar, my comfort zone. Starting in late middle school, I struggled with drugs and drinking because I wanted people to like me. I had trouble saying no. I wanted to fit in and I wanted to numb the pain in my heart from verbal abuse that deeply wounded me. Deep down I knew that the life I was living was unsatisfactory and nothing I was doing was filling the void in my heart. The deep need to feel accepted, loved and significant.
However, throughout all of that time, I never gave up on my dreams. I always fought for them. I never let anyone tell me that I couldn’t achieve the deep desire to travel the world and live out what was deeply embedded in my heart. I never knew where that deep desire came from because I didn’t know the One who put it there.
In January of 2011, I visited my family in Odessa. Yes, I call it the armpit of Texas. It is desert-land, dry, hot and completely opposite of Dallas where there is an endless supply of restaurants, entertainment, and all the noise city-life brings. I never in my life desired to move there, although as I grew up and was less able to visit my family, I did miss them. However, God spoke to my heart this time. I had no idea it was God because He was still distant to me. I knew He was the Creator but I had no idea how to let Him into my life. I felt so deeply a pull to move to Odessa that I was confused. This had never been a desire of mine and it definitely was not on the other side of the world.
But the more I talked about it with family and friends, the more it was confirmed that I needed to move. I desperately was ready to get out of my party life and doors started closing on a place to live when my lease was coming to an end. I figured that it would give me a fresh start and I could be in a place with family who I had lost time with over the years.
Once I moved, I felt a return of hope. I knew that I would attend church with my family, mostly because I knew I needed it but partly because I refused to be “the one” who slept in and didn’t go. Over the next year, God really started moving in my life and I started to feel an intense and fierce hunger for Him and desire to really surrender my life with reckless abandon.
In May 2012, I started attending a new church, my current home, that had more resources for me to meet people my age, and to engage in classes and studies to learn and grow more. My first Sunday there, I walked through the sliding doors and my heart was overwhelmed with an unrecognizable feeling. Something I had never felt before. I later realized that it was God’s presence in the place and I almost lost my breath for a second! I don’t even remember the sermon, but I remember sitting in the back row, singing along with the congregation and weeping like a little baby. I didn’t know why I was crying, but I knew that I was at home.
That night I had planned to attend a Girl’s Night Out event, because after a year of working overtime, I needed some FRIENDS! I am way too extrovert to not have friends! So I went to the event with a girl I had recently met, and when we got split up into small groups to further discuss the material, I found myself weeping again. Our table leader consoled me and asked me if I wanted to receive Jesus in my life. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was even allowed or not, and finally murmured a “yes” through my tears and blubbering. From that evening forward, my life was never the same!
For the past 2 years, God has completely transformed my heart and given me hope and joy in my life! Yes, I have faced many obstacles and trials, but that is part of becoming a follower of Jesus. Satan puts you at the top of his hit list when you decide to relentlessly pursue God!
I didn’t really intend for this to be so lengthy, but I think it is important that I share my story and how I got here. I struggled with the thoughts of fear, guilt and condemnation for 4-5 weeks before I even got up enough courage to just apply. I had talked to a couple of World Race alumni to really help to understand what it was about. The more I shared the reasons why I was not going to apply, the more they encouraged me that there was no reason not to. For God to truly confirm if this was part of His plan for me, I had to take the first step forward by sending in an application. Then the rest would be in His hands to confirm or deny that it was what He wanted me to do. So I did. I paid the small application fee and I set out to fill out my application. After hitting submit, I received an e-mail with a link to complete my interview. Little did I know it would take me 4 hours!! There were even moments that I thought “I should probably just quit. This is taking way longer than I expected.” Then I would say “No, I already started and I am going to finish. God cannot do anything until my part is finished.” And within 24 hours I received an e-mail saying that the Interview department would review my information and contact me. By the end of the week I had another e-mail asking for times I would be available to speak by phone. 3 days later I received a phone call, lasting an hour, where I was asked questions to clarify my interview that I submitted. The next day I was asked to submit 2 references who could vouch for my walk with Christ and knew my life on an intimate level, preferably mentors. Within a week of sending my referrals filling out their reference, I received a phone call to say I was accepted!
I couldn’t believe this was happening! “God, you are truly going to send me? Am I really ready? I mean really ready?” Of course we humans always ask and ask for something and then when God makes it happen, we start to question if it is really what He wants us to do. He made it pretty clear with the open doors and smooth processing that I was to go on the World Race, set to leave in January 2015!
By the way, it took 4 hours because it literally required me telling my life’s story, all the things I had ever struggled with, have overcome, and still are an issue in my life. I absolutely appreciate the thoroughness because this mission is not taken lightly. You will be living in raw community with 50+ people for 11 months. There is nowhere to run or to hide from conflict, you will be required to face things as they come, and let God work miraculously in you and other people in the process! Some people may say that this would scare them and make them not excited to go. But I was completely the opposite.
I want to be challenged! I want to test my limits. I want to live in raw community because it means that God can work out all the things still holding me back from having the full, abundant life of freedom He created for me to have! I want to make friends for a lifetime. I want to be there for each other to help each other and build one another up while we let God take over our life and rock our world! I desperately want to pursue the life God has for me, and I know that it means traveling across the world!
This is only the beginning!!!
