Lately I have been feeling the pressure of fundraising. I will admit that my faith has been shaken and some days completely shattered. I let myself get so caught up in doing everything myself, that I completely let my faith go out the window, forgetting that without God, I can do NOTHING.
It seems lately that I do fine until a deadline approaches, and I cannot see how I will get from here to there. 2 months ago when I got accepted, it seemed like I had so much time! July and August are gone in a blink and our first deadline is in 25 days. So I started to panic. To think of what I could do to work harder to reach that goal. I am a planner and a doer, surely I could make it happen, right?
WRONG.
Not only is my health already under pressure and constant attack, my stress level skyrocketed! I was bearing the weight all on my weak shoulders, and completely leaving God out of it. It is a shame and a frustration how easily we forget. We truly are sheep. Sheep need a shepherd. Without a shepherd, they will run aimlessly.
Can you imagine your life before you met Jesus? Were you headed anywhere specific? Or did you think that each destination would be “it” only to find out it wasn’t good enough so you switched direction?
This is how my life was before I gave it over to God. I thought I would be happier in high school, then found out it was lame, got into drugs and partying and that turning 18 would change my life. Nope. Then I kept partying through college thinking that surely when I was 21, I would officially be an “adult” and my life would be fabulous. Nope again. Then when I graduated college, I thought I would get this awesome career in a sleek office and traveling and all would be perfect.
DOUBLE NOPE!
The economy drastically declined in 2008, right when I finished college. Yippee [insert sarcasm here]. I worked my butt off for 4 years only to work a temporary job for $14/hr, not much more than I was already making without a degree. After 9 short months, the company laid off all temporary employees and after 2 months of having no luck finding a replacement, I had no choice but to move to Houston to live with my parents. There, it took me 3 more months to find a job that was 45 minutes away making $12/hr. This was NOT my idea of life after college!!! I can assure you that the people I worked with were wonderful!!! They were kind, caring, nurturing and truly brightened my days! However, the root issue was that I was placing my worth and value in a salary figure and a job title.
My life was always consumed by the next arrival. Surely, the next destination would be “it”.
After all of these unfulfilling destinations, I was still left empty.
Moving didn’t fill the hole in my heart. Neither did:
another job
another guy
another drink
another cigarette
another drug
another friend
another paycheck.
NOTHING.
A year later, I moved back to Northern Dallas and thought that SURELY being back with my friends would make me happy and fill the hole.
NOPE.
Although I love my friends, people cannot fill the emptiness we have in our hearts.
All of this to say… we have to stay strong in our FAITH that God knows what He is doing! When I moved to Odessa, I figured it would be another job, another paycheck, another friend, more time with family.
I was so wrong! It wasn’t JUST these things.
Jesus took hold of my life and grabbed my attention while I was in the desert. Literally. I had no friends, no comfort zone, no place to run to but Him.
We may not always understand why we lost that job, why we aren’t getting paid more, why it seems that we continue to struggle with something year after year, and why He isn’t moving as fast as we want.
However, He sees everything from beginning to end and He knows how He will get us from here to there. He wants us to rest and enjoy each and every moment because once it is gone, we can’t have it back.
I am constantly learning this. To trust Him in every step and to LET GO of the need to know it all before it happens. Quite honestly, if I knew everything from here to there, I would probably be more discouraged! God shows us a piece of the puzzle at a time and we are to trust Him and walk with Him along the way, navigating each victory and obstacle as we pass them. Knowing it all would be too much stress, pain, weight and burden.
He is the founder and perfecter of our faith and He will bring all things to pass at exactly the right time!
Hebrews 11:6
Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that He is real and that He rewards those who truly want to find Him.
This is the type of woman I want to be. One that trusts in God, who is bigger than all of us combined. One that walks in peace, knowing that He has everything under control. As soon as I let go, He always shows me that He was there all along, and I just have to put down the wheel and let Him drive. He never leaves us, and we must acknowledge Him in order to truly understand that.
We never reach “it“.
We simply go through seasons of following a path, reaching a destination for that time, growing and learning, being re-directed and walking with God through it all! As we proceed, we continually gain clarity, wisdom and understanding of how it all connected and needed to be there in order to get us here. We will never understand it all, but He likes to share His insight with us along the way so that we grow more intimately in relationship with Him.
I have been so TREMENDOUSLY blessed with the love, encouragement, and support of each and every person I have come in contact with about this venture on the World Race! People are praying, giving and offering their help to make these goals. I seriously could not do this alone and without God speaking to each person about how they can be involved! I am truly overwhelmed with all of the people who have offered to give donations for my garage sale fundraiser, given cash or online donations, purchased equipment, prayed and spoken life over this calling and everything in between. I couldn’t ask for more! I am privileged to be a servant and walk in obedience as the next chapter of my journey unfolds!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
