This year has been full of experiences and situations that have caused me to let go, grow and learn hard things. Before coming on the World Race, I unintentionally glamorized what this year would be like. I allowed myself to believe the lie that I was bringing God to the nations and that what I was doing by leaving everything that I knew in Texas to go away for a year was something to be admired and rewarded. The truth is the that God is everywhere. There is not a place in the world that He is not working and doing something. Although we look to certain places and question where He is, it doesn’t negate the fact that He is already there. I am merely a 29 year old woman who chose to be obedient to what God was asking me to do by coming on the World Race this year. My willingness to say, “Yes” did not change the work He was already doing or was planning to do throughout this year. If we say, “No” when He asks us to do something, He will find someone else who is willing to say, “Yes” to fulfill His plan. Nothing He does hinges upon our participation. He will accomplish His mission whether we choose to involve ourselves or not. This year has been a lot of pouring out to the people around me, but it has also involved a LOT of internal growth. Insecurities and flaws that I didn’t realize played a huge role in my character and behavior have been put on display this year for everyone to see and it has been very uncomfortable. There is nothing that makes you feel as exposed as being in a place where you are unfamiliar, with people whom you are just starting to know, and dealing with some of the deepest wounds and hurts that have woven their way into your every day life.
It isn’t until now, at the end of month 10, that I am finally starting to feel more free to be ME… the full version of myself: unfiltered, uninhibited, and comfortable. It is really weird to think that I am nearing 30 years old and am just now really feeling like I am LIVING. I have had so many dreams throughout life, and I finally feel like I am on the brink of seeing those dreams come to life! I hate it when good things come at the very end of a chapter, but I know that everything I have gone through this year has been absolutely necessary in order to reach this point, as well as to prepare me for what is coming next!
The definition of operation is: performance of a practical work or of something involving the practical application of principles or processes. As I have learned the truth of what God says and who He has made me to be, He has been operating on my heart and my brain to replace the lies I have believed with His truth. So in no particular order, I want to share a few things I have learned throughout this year:
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People are not scary. For many reasons too long to list, I have come to realize that I operate in a very deep distrust in people. Many times this year I have come to understand that I have lived several years with an engrained fear that people will either reject, betray, or abandon me. Throughout this year, the Lord has truly begun the process of breaking these fears down and helping me find healing in my heart and mind so that I can move forward without them. Community is hard and I realized that when I decided to be vulnerable and share my insecurity, the people around me were right there ready to accept me without judgment and love me in the moment. When we choose to push past insecurity and fear, we find that they are lies that seek to keep a distance between us and other people. No one is perfect but most often, people whom you do life with are willing to be there for you and encourage you when things are rough even if that means being patient while you work through trust issues. I spent too much time being afraid of people because maybe they wouldn’t like what I said, or would blow up at me or get annoyed with me. But when I stepped out and shared what I was going through or something I felt needed to be said because it was uncomfortable, I was most often met with understanding, encouragement and love.
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Ministry is a heart posture. Before I came on the World Race, I read blogs and saw pictures that encouraged me to over-glamorize what this year would be like. I allowed myself to paint this picture of a year of ministry and how amazing it must be to leave everything to follow God into the unknown. Now, don’t get me wrong, it has been nothing short of an amazing year! However, much of what I have been assigned to do this year has been what you may consider mundane tasks: cutting vegetables, painting, cleaning, organizing books, teaching English helping with school work, passing out fliers, and many other things. One of the biggest lessons I have learned this year is that ministry is not a task. It is a heart posture that is reflected when we say yes and are obedient no matter it looks like. That we are committed to doing what is set before us and serve God whether or not it looks how we expected or preferred. Ministry is simply doing life in this world while dedicating your choices and actions to reflecting Jesus. Whether that is cleaning the church every day or preaching on Sunday, the posture of your heart is what makes all the difference in the impact you have on the people who witness your life, whether from a distance or up close. True ministry is not whether or not you tell people about Jesus, but that you show them the very nature and character of Him through how you conduct your life. We can quote scripture and tell people what they are doing wrong all day long, but if our words, actions and choices don’t line up to what we are telling other people, then we are making no impact. Showing people love despite their flaws is reflecting Christ’s character. Showing them who He is and building a relationship with them is what will touch the deep places of their hearts more than condemnation and legalism. Telling people about God should simply be an overflow because we are so passionate and excited about what He has done for us that we can’t help but tell others about Him!
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Worry is a waste of time. No matter how good we are at planning and organizing things, nothing we do can change God’s plan. I have spent too much of my life worrying and it has done nothing but made me sick. Physically, mentally and emotionally, worry burns up all the energy you could be putting toward more positive things. When I choose to ignore worry, and simply go about my day with whatever is placed before me, I feel so much better! No headaches, no fatigue, no negative or depressive thoughts… I feel alive! Joy comes when we choose to let go of worry and stop trying to be in control! There is something so exhilarating about simply choosing to be comfortable in your own skin and love the people around you despite what the future holds or what decisions are waiting to be made. My ability to plan will only get me so far. God’s plan will prevail no matter how much work I put into making my own agenda.
