I can’t say that I have set many expectations for the World Race because I am constantly submitting them to the Lord. I have a tendency to need a schedule and a plan and know every little detail, but for this adventure, I told God that I want to be free of expectations. I want to walk the path set before me and allow Him to do what needs to be done. There are a few things I do know will happen, no matter what the timetable or location.
I know I will be stretched and refined. Not only by the fact that I will be thousands of miles away from home for 11 months, but because I will be having to understand and deal with all kinds of personalities from strangers I encounter and my squad mates whom I will barely know at the time we launch. I will be encountering people in other cultures who do things completely opposite as I would prefer them done, who will have names for things I probably can’t even say, and who need me to just love them where they are at without judging them.
I know that this experience will be nothing like anything I have ever experienced in my 28 years on this earth. I know that many people who are close will not understand and even if they encourage this journey, I will not even be able to put into accurate words what is happening along the way internally. I know that God is going to refine my thinking, break down my walls that I have built up as to not let people get too close, and delete the lies that I have continued to believe about myself and others.
I know that my comfort zone will be broken. I will cope with possibly not showering for several days or changing clothes. I will have to deal with the fact that I may not get to wash my face or brush my teeth every day with clean water or eat food that is pleasing to my tastebuds. I may not even get to eat 4-5 small meals each day or have control over what those meals consist of. I will experience fatigue from a true day of hard work. I will experience pure joy from seeing other people be happy with much less than I have here in Texas. I will understand love in its purest, most raw form. I will help to mend the brokenness in others by pointing them to Jesus all while He is mending together the brokenness in my heart.
My physical strength will be tested.
My faith will be tested.
My mental integrity will be tested.
My heart will be tested by not-so-easy situations and how I react to them.
My ability to face my fears will be tested.
I will not be able to run from conflict. I will not be able to hide from uncomfortable conversations. I will not be able to have perfect silence while sleeping. I will not be able to go the kitchen or local HEB to grab whatever snacks or food items I wish to consume. I will not be able to see a movie at any time I please. I will not be able to call a friend to meet for dinner when I am homesick and having a hard time. I will not be able to spend endless hours online scrolling social media or looking up the next cool thing to do or buy. I will not be able to instantly call a mentor to talk when I am having a rough day.
All I will have for certain is Jesus.
He will be the only One I can count on 100% of the time. He is the only One who will listen to me no matter how angry, sad, or ridiculous I am being in that moment. He is the only One who I can count on to comfort me when I need it. He is the only One who I know for sure will listen to me when I need to blurt out all that is on my heart. He is the only One who I know will bring me peace when I am stuck in chaos, whether it be physically or mentally. He is the only One I will be able to depend on to bring in all the funding that is necessary for this trip. He is the only One who knows every single detail of the rest of my life and how I will act, react and change along the way.
One thing I know is that this life I am choosing to live is not “normal”, and I’m okay with that.
