“You are only as deep as
As you have all probably seen from my “about meâ€� and my other blog post that I am not the deepest person that there is. I tend to keep my distance from people until I get to know you. It’s very typical for me to keep things on a surface level. I’ve always thought that if you don’t know much about me than the less chance I will get hurt by you. So I keep you at arms length in hopes that my stretched out arms don’t grow weak and let you come closer.
For the past few weeks a part of me has become angry at my simple, surface relationships. I have even in a way felt convicted of it. I guess convicted that yall, the people that I will be sharing my life with day in and day out for 11 months, deserve to know me more than just a bulleted list of information. Convicted that the people that will be following my blog for the next year, have the right to my true feelings about things; even convicted of trying to hide myself from the one who created me, who formed me and knows my every thought. I guess in a way I thought that by doing this I could even hide things from myself.
This weekend I went to help lead a slumber party/retreat for a group of girls that I had never met before, in fact I didn’t know anyone there. I made the two and a half hour drive with a girl I had never met but had only heard of through a mutual friend. One of the first things she said to me was “I don’t do surface relationships.� Just by her saying that I knew that Jesus was about to move in me very quickly. I learned so much this weekend about myself just by letting myself open up to these people. By Saturday I had told them all my testimony and shared my life with them. And by the time I came home today the girl I rode down with has become someone I know will be in my life for a long time.
So what does the quote at the top have anything to do with this? I realized this weekend that maybe the reason I can’t let myself become open with people is because there are wounds inside of me that I haven’t let God heal yet. So I’m making a commitment to let the healer of all things come and heal me, because I want to be transparent before Him. I want to be vulnerable in His hands so that there is nothing hindering my relationship with Him. I want to expose my heart to Jesus so that He can break it for everything that breaks His. I am His child and I will do whatever it takes to add to the population of His Kingdom, even if that means opening up to a world of people I don’t know on an internet blog. He is sending me to go heal the sick and to set fire in communities of people that have never felt the mighty hand of Jesus. He is sending me, the least I can do is let Him in far enough to dig out the things that will keep me from giving Him everything.
