Sitting on my bed in Bulgaria while tears stream down my face. My daddy loves me. He loves me more than I can understand. He loves me flaws, mistakes and all. My daddy knows my heart. He created me and wants me to rest in Him. To allow him to take control of my life of my future. The future that I had planned in my head has been ripped to shreds. It no longer exists. All I really have is what my daddy is giving me. It has been there all along and been more pronounced for the past five months. The five months he called me away from all I knew all that was safe and comfortable. He called me to serve him, to take a journey with him. He challenged me in ways I couldn't have imagined. He broke me so that all I knew was him. My daddy wanted every bit of me. My daddy wanted me to depend on him.
This is a journal entry I wrote at 2:00 am this morning. It shows where I'm at now and is the real deal.
To allow people he intriguingly placed in my life to love me. People that were new to me that honestly scared the shit out of me. People that I looked at and saw my flaws against their 'perfection'. People that I learned were like me. People that were lost and broken in their own ways. People that loved me for me. People who truly didn't care about my past but wanted to help with my future. People that walked beside me through my brokenness. People that I loved in a way I can never explain. People that were planned to be in my life.
My daddy had a plan for each of us. A great plan full of love and life. A journey that has seemed impossible at times. A journey that has been difficult. A journey that wrecked me for him. A journey that is greater than any I've ever taken. A journey to see who I really was. A journey to become who my daddy created me to be. A journey that only my daddy could produce.
My daddy continually blows my mind. My daddy provides for me in ways that can only be from him. My daddy wants me to be happy. My daddy wants me to be his alone. My daddy has waited patiently for me. My daddy is perfect. My daddy broke me so that he could fix me to serve him. To bring light to his kingdom. To be his princess. To give me a life better than I imagined. Yes my daddy loves me. He's gone from being my Father to my daddy.
My daddy's not done with me either. He has a life time to provide for me. My daddy has six more months of this journey lined up. Six more months to fall deeper in love with him. Six more months to go to the nations for him. Six more months to grow me and challenge me. Six more months before my next step. Tears stream down my cheeks and touch the smile my daddy put there. The smile that shows his love and grace. My daddy loves me and I love him.
