Everyone keeps asking why I am home, and I have prayed and thought for a few days now how I will tell everyone. I left Africa two days ago devastated…Leaving Africa was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I fought to stay but the leaders decided that it was my time to go.
For months now I have been questioning why I’m there….but God kept saying to hold on. As you all know my grandpas are seriously ill with Cancer and it has affected me. I wanted to so bad come back home and see them before something major happened. God kept giving me a peace that everything was going to be okay…but naturally I worried, it didn’t affect my ministry but it affected my team. I held my feelings in most of the time, which led me to be negative and not wanting to be anywhere but home and when I was questioned I finally would let all my feelings out. They (the leaders) said my team didn’t know how to love me and to be more open. I was given one month to work on it..I tried to work on it and started to look up…I was so excited to go home in June and programmed my mind and soul to hold on. This past week I had a follow up with the squad leader n my leader……but when the leaders came to me they said my heart wasn’t anywhere but home and I had no choice but to leave.
I know it sounds crazy but I don’t want to get into too much detail..but just know that it wasn’t my choice to come home…with that being said I know that God has his hand in everything….if I took anything from the race and the experience was that I learned to trust God more than anything!!! I know that God has a bigger and better plan for me. I could question, doubt or be real mad right now but that’s not what God wants.
As many know when I went to Haiti, I feel in love with the kids. The second day I was there I knew that Haiti was my home..And that I didn’t want to go on with the race…I wanted to stay in Haiti..but selfishly I left because I felt bad staying because of the money that had been raised so far …and that I had no money to stay there because all the race money was non refundable. So I left…pulling away the kids stood outside the orphanage with sad faces and tears rolling down their face…..on the way to airport I felt an emptiness…my heart was left behind.. I cried all the way to the airport… I didn’t want to leave. Every month I emailed them, skyped them and kept in contact.. I cried every time I saw their little faces…or when memories would pop up of them. I know that God wants me there.. I really feel that God has a future for me there.
For now I’m going to be looking for a job to supply my needs until I go back to Haiti. I gave up everything to follow Christ.. my clothes my money, and my plans. I’m leaving the future to God …he will direct the next steps in my life.
I have had so many emotions going through me…. will people think I’m a failure?…did I do everything I should of?..But these are lies from the enemy and I won’t let him take over my thoughts.
Bottom line…I have seen God change thousands of lives including mine while being on the mission field and I know that God is not finished with me yet!
I want to say THANK YOU to all my supporters for helping me get to where I am..you have not only supported me finically but you have changed my life forever… without this experience I would still be sitting around wondering what’s next…but now I give the next to God..He will give me the desires of my heart. (But know that I plan on leading mission trips in the future with youth and families)
Also THANK YOU to everyone who has been praying for me everyday.. I ask that you keep praying for me..Don’t stop because I’m home…pray for my future and the direction that God is going to be taking me in,
I’m super scared but super excited to see where God is taking me.
I am a conquer and a strong woman of God..i will move on!
