It’s not the same
I’ve tried to write this blog what seems like a million times by now. I have drafts upon drafts filling the notes in my phone, in my journal, on scrap paper, all attempts of trying to put into words this past month. In truth, no words seem great enough, powerful enough, or precise enough to explain what July was for me…but I’m going to try.
Anymore, I want to cry. Like hard core ugly cry when I think about this past season, it WRECKED me…God WRECKED me. And the end of this season was far from easy.
Leaving my team was hard. Goodbyes are hard. I say it all the time, You would think it would get easier. My heart BROKE, I left parts of me behind, I became more vulnerable, I surrendered my masks, I grew…deep and I’m still growing.
SPORTS
It’s crazy to think that a group of 13 people could clique together so fast. We spent 90% of our time as a full group. Even most of our solo Jesus time was together in one space, not because we had little room to spread out but because we genuinely enjoyed each other’s presence. It was beautiful. Being the second oldest on the team I had my doubts about cliques, I experience them everywhere and it can suck. But instead, I got a group of crazy, loud, humorous, Jesus Loving, Joyful, wonderful human beings that were such a blessing on my life. The air was different with them…no it wasn’t the elevation. It was clean, light, fresh, free. Something I didn’t know my heart had been longing for. AND IT WAS GOOD.
Worship
Worship happened every night, or most nights when testimonies and feedback didn’t take all night. At the beginning of the month worship would last anywhere from a half hour to an entire hour. As we grew, worship grew as well, sometimes up to 3 hours long…And we would get SLOSHED. Sprawled out on the couches and floor kind of sloshed, listening to our nightly jams of Reckless Love and Tremble along with so many other good favorites. The Spirit would come and just WRECK us, he became so tangible all the time, that joy in life became natural. As mentioned in a previous blog, we met the Holy Spirit in so many new ways, and my faith only grew deeper. AND IT WAS GOOD.
Camp Hope.
Camp Hope BROKE me. It wasn’t until our last week that I worked up the courage to work with the kids. So the first couple weeks were I helped in The kitchen, I cracked nuts, I helped clean, and I cracked more nuts. As for the kids, the first two I bonded with are Marisol and Vincent. Marisol is such a joy, she cannot walk but she loves to dance, I do not know her age, but I would guess a teenager. I would push her around in circles just moving to the music and telling her just how beautiful she is. She is always filled with so much joy! Vincent is a boy who is currently unable to walk, who actually only came for day care, he has a family, which makes my soul rejoice. He is such a touchy kid who loves to be tickled and dance with us. By the end of our time together he would pull us in for hugs. Anderson…oh Anderson, is burdened with what I believe is celestial paisley. He is maybe 6 years old and has so much speed as he works his way across the floor, so much energy and so much joy. Carolina(pictured below)…I would take her on a “walk” every now and then, which really consisted of her walking to a specific place and sitting for long periods of time, just enjoying the peace of the outdoors. By the end of our time together she would smile at me and let me hold her little rubber ducky. Each of the members of this community was different but so beautifully made. Susana, Fernando, Jefferson…each one touched me in a new way. It BROKE my heart getting to know them on a more personal level only to say goodbye and to leave a prayer of healing on them all. But my time with them is something I will cherish for the rest of my life. AND IT WAS GOOD.
Pan De Vida
LOVE, that is what I saw in a place so filled with the Spirit. Greeting each family with hugs and smilies and joy twice a week never seemed like enough. Saying goodbye twice a week, giving the majority of the women and a few of the men hugs and friendly kisses on the cheek, chasing the young kids in circles, passing out Roses to the mothers just because we could. You could see the gratefulness in their eyes and the love in their hearts that we would give them our attention, even if I didn’t know what they were saying half the time. Of our time at Pan De Vida, there was one night where a few individuals stayed as all the other families left. These individuals were Venezuelans. (Their government corrupt and inflammation creating the country unlivable.) We divided into groups and prayed over each individual. The spirit was strong as Judah, Haley, and I prayed for a women. We prayed for her, we prayed for her family, we prayed for her spirit and faith, for healing on her heart and so much more. The Spirit was so active and so many tears were shed, it was beautiful, it was powerful, and IT WAS SO SO GOOD.
We had Baptisms in Mindo, we experienced and learned about spiritual warfare near a dormant volcano crater, we spoke in tongues, we cried as we told each other things that we’ve kept buried, we prayed, we explored, we walked the equator, we bonded, we loved, and IT WAS SO GOOD
Lessons
I learned/was reminded of so much in just one month:
-God wants you to do more than just believe in him and go to church. He wants to live with you, help you grow, he wants to be your 24/7.
-Discernment- practice it, learn the difference between thinking with the spirit and thinking with your flesh.
-Scripture is so important! Reference EVERYTHING to it!
-NEVER place something on yours
or someone else’s life.
-as your faith grows, the enemy tries to push back harder.
-after growing deeper in faith my patience has been tested.
-I’m even more emotional
-I want others to feel what it’s like to be in deeper relations with God and to have a wonderful community.
-be a banana (ask if you’d like details)
-wow
-Not everyone will accept what I tell about my trip, my Faith, or Jesus.
-I’m going to get reactions that disappoint and frustrate me.
-I can’t change people, Jesus does that
-It is important to shed the masks that society has unconsciously placed on you.
-I am a child of God and I am Beautifully and wonderfully made in his image.
-Be a good Steward, you eat what you take and you take what you need.
There is so much more that I cannot even begin to put into words. But just know IT WAS SO SO GOOD. Im entering this new season with a new favorite verse Psalms 37:4. Time to go spread the Joy to people in the States.
Once again thank you to all of my supporters and donors, I could not of had this wonderful life changing experience without your help! Hopefully this explains how Great this trip was! Also if you want to talk in person, I ask that you please ask me specific questions because there is so much I could say if you ask “how was your trip” and it overwhelms me.
Lastly, I challenge you all to open scripture more, dig deep and spend at least a half hour or longer with God a day. You can sing, you can dance, you can read the Bible, you can just talk to God. You would be amazed by the change in your life!
God Bless! I hope to catch up with you all soon!
