I might not ever meet you.
And I am beginning to realize that as much as I thought I wanted to be a wife, I have to be a follower of Christ first. I want to pursue His heart. Three months in the nations has made me realize that I am responsible.
I am responsible to do my part. I am required to answer the very call that has been placed on my life.
How will I answer the question that makes my heart beat faster?
“How will they believe if they have never even heard of Him?”
I can’t tell you that I don’t want it. I can tell you that I dreamed of marriage for my entire life. I want a marriage more beautiful than my wedding.
But something about these nations over the last three months has ruined me. It has ruined me for some ordinary dream: a house, a white picket fence, a SUV, and a stable income. I reminded me that I wasn’t sent to the nations because I wanted a vacation around the world (cue the World Racers laughing because that isn’t what the World Race is, AT ALL). I was sent here because I have a call that I am obligated to answer. The nations come with a responsibility that I cannot deny.
I want to share their faces and their stories with you. I am responsible to tell you the stories of the people around the world that are doing their part. The ones who do what God asks them to do with no fanfare. The ones who truly believe the statement: to obey is better than to sacrifice. They often do ministry without anyone knowing their name. They aren’t the ones who get short-term teams, financial support, or a prayer team who emails them everyday. They rely on God to provide them with financial provision. They pray prayers that would make most of us shake in our bootstraps. They are dependant on God to get them through.
That is the kind of life I want to live.
No matter what that looks like or where my shoes will end up every night.
They are the people who hike for months to reach a village, and they don’t know if they will be banished from the village when they get there. They sign their name on a dotted line knowing that what they are truly signing is their own death certificate. They give up their lives because He demands the praise of ALL people. They give their lives for the cause of Christ.
I want to get married, yes. But if getting married means that I have to sacrifice a call to be a radical, an unordinary, I am giving it up. I won’t give up my call because I want to satisfy a selfish part of myself that wants a life to share with another human being.
I want to know that at the end of my life that I did my best to answer the very question that I wake up in the morning thinking about and go to bed thinking about:
How can they believe if they have never even heard of Him?
