Before leaving for training camp I was asked by my youth pastor two ways that he could pray for me while I was away. One of my answers was something that I had actually be praying about for a little while- that the Lord would take Kristi, cast her out, and just make my body a vessel for Himself. Basically, I wanted/want the Holy Spirit to be in control of my life. I don’t want to think about what is comfortable for Kristi- forget my own selfish desires! My purpose is to build up the Lord’s Kingdom and that’s exactly what I want to do.
Wow. That’s intense. But that’s where I want to be. Sold out for the Lord. My Creator. My Redeemer. My Comforter.
As some of you may already know, this isn’t easy. It’s easy to talk about, but living it out is much more difficult. However, the Lord is my teacher and I have begun to learn so many things.
A couple weeks ago, I was driving down the road when suddenly I’m looking over at my passenger seat and checking my rear view mirror because I suddenly felt a presence in my car. (Never fear!) It wasn’t like a scary presence, it was a peaceful one- it felt familiar like a best friend. Thankfully I quickly realized that I wasn’t going crazy, and there wasn’t a presence inside of my car. Nope. In fact, the presence was inside of me. Y’all, it’s called the Holy Spirit! Mind=blown.
Now, I grew up in church. I’ve known about the Holy Spirit for a long long time now, but I think there’s a moment in everyone’s relationship with the Lord that He truly becomes real. Does that make sense? Like, we accept Him into our hearts and we decide to follow Him and maybe you were even baptized; but when does He become so real that you feel His presence? That overwhelming peace and comfort that truly is indescribable.
I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by people, but living alone in a world inside my mind. That sounds sad, but I’m an introvert and that’s how I like it. I like being alone and quiet. You see, I’m not so great with words- meaning I can’t seem to manage translating the stuff inside my mind into actual sentences that people understand. So I instead listen to others and contribute when necessary. It’s easy living alone in my own little world.
Lately, though even when I’m alone, I don’t feel alone. There’s always a presence with me. And it literally feels like there is another person inside of me. You’d think it would get aggravating or annoying, but it’s not in the slightest. It’s the Holy Spirit. It’s the Lord. It feels incredible, peaceful, exciting, comforting…
I asked to be a vessel for the Lord and that exactly what’s happening. I am still human though so there are obviously still really difficult times. Stress, anxiety, and exhaustion are the three words I would choose to most accurately describe my week. (Only 9 more days until launch)! But in these times of crazy, ridiculous, mixed up emotions I have someone to turn to. Someone who will never let me down. Someone who’s love for me can only be described as unfailing.
My Creator. My Redeemer. My Comforter. The Lord.
Guys, you can live your entire life knowing God without ever actually knowing Him. So, don’t hesitate if you don’t know Him. It’s so worth it.
