Debrief is something that takes place after every few countries. Our coaches Matt and Kathy as well as our mentor Stephanie all fly out to meet us from the states. It’s about 5days of team debriefs, one on ones, reflection, vision casting for what’s to come, worship, team changes, and being together as a squad. It’s is a good time of reflection, what went well, what went not so well, how can we improve, what have we learned, how have we grown??? The thing about these types of questions is they are only effective if you are being honest, and you have to be ready for the answers.
I came into this debrief with certain hopes and ideas of how things would/should go. Let’s just say it played out a bit differently than I had expected. But at that point I had 2options, accept it and move on or do something about it. Part of me I will admit, heavily contemplated the first option, but I was challenged to do the latter. At first I tried my best to place the blame on everybody else cause that was easy and made me feel better… or so I thought but it was a fleeting feeling.
As I sat in worship one night the tears began to flow uncontrollably I knew I entered that night with a heavy weight on my shoulders but I didn’t expect the tears. I wasn’t sad, I was frustrated, and hurt, and disappointed that’s not sadness that’s anger; so why was I crying?!?! Because God was moving and as He ALWAYS does He was answering my prayers, (Psalm 17:6 I call on you, O God, for you WILL answer me and hear my prayer.) it just was not in the way I expected. Instead it was in His better and perfect way! He took my finger and turned it around to me. Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” He convicted me of my role in the whole thing. I sat there and had to be honest with myself and God.
As I sat there in tears my awesome squad mates came alongside me and prayed over me (I am blessed to be doing life along side these amazing people, there was no judgement just genuine compassion and love.). Then I knew what I needed to do, I needed to ask for forgiveness not just from God but from people. It was hard and it was humbling but it was also so freeing. The weight was lifted and I got what I hoped for all along and that was ending on a high note before entering the next chapter of this race, the final stretch. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I have so much hope and anticipation for this last 3months and what God is going to do in and through me. It is still my prayer to end on a high note and to stay present till the end. Will you join me in prayer for a strong finish and continued growth and surrender!!! It’s not easy to share the struggles of this journey but I want to be honest. I am no more holy because I’m on this race I am just trying to live a life worthy of the calling God has given me. Sometimes I fall but He always picks me back up and usually puts me in a better spot than where I was.
