Last month in Myanmar we had the opportunity to live at a Bible school where we taught English to the students there. Attached to the school was an orphanage, which our hosts ran, where we loved on the kids there daily.
We didn’t have running water, refrigerators or normal bathrooms; we did have squatty potties, bucket showers and creativity when it came to meals. And honestly because of this it turned out to be one of my favorite months. Getting to see the kid’s hearts and how they seriously looked and loved like Jesus was absolutely amazing. That is something I will never forget and never stop striving to attain.
It’s funny how the Lord works sometimes, when He allows you to see the bigger picture and how He’s been moving. Myanmar was one of those months for me. It was a “gift” month.
God taught me so much about my walk with Him and how much I’ve changed and grown since month one. Here I sit in Lesotho, month 7, in awe of the Lord’s goodness.
You see, the first 5 months of my race I felt as though I was merely surviving the race. I was being broken in every way possible: spiritually, mentally, emotionally and yes even physically too. I was unsure, disappointed, confused and I felt weak and far from the Lord at times. Of course as it turns out I wasn’t I was just being weeded and pruned by Him. He was de-rooting hurt, selfishness, fear, and worldly desires. Taking away all of the things that weren’t of Him so that all I had left was what truly reflected His beautiful character.
Leading up to this point I couldn’t see it. I saw His presence and His hand in all things, of course, but I couldn’t see the big picture or past my own disappointment and even doubt. Doubt that I was changing, doubt that I could even look more like God, that I was worthy or good enough to get there. But He was there moving behind the scenes, changing my heart, using my story and even doubt and confusion to make a difference. And this month I finally got to see a small glimpse of the gift He has so wonderfully been putting together for me over these last 5 months.
Day 1 on the race I was terrified of public speaking, would sing for NO ONE, was letting fear determine an embarrassing amount of my decisions and honestly felt unworthy to even be on the World Race sharing the Gospel.
Day 188 the Lord has redeemed it all! I sit here marveling in all God has done in such a short time. I am no longer surviving, but thriving here.
Fear of public speaking – I have given multiple sermons with just hours’ notice.
Fear of singing – Sang on command, at church and people’s houses, I can’t even tell you how many uncomfortable times.
AND I just helped lead worship at a World Race conference in Cambodia, called “Awakening,” for over 200 people. Just 2 weeks ago…and enjoyed it! What?!
Fear of heights – Climbed a mountain
Fear of being unworthy of the mission – I have so many accounts to kick this one. Time and time again the Lord has knocked this one of out the park! Pretty much daily He shows me that I have a voice in Him and that He has called me here with such a grand purpose in mind.
The Lord has been blowing these fears and uncertainties out of the water! Do I still struggle with these and have to give them to the Lord daily? Yes. But as long as I continue to do so He will continue to speak truth and light into them, leaving them in pieces behind me where they belong. No more will they control or have any part in the choices I make for the Kingdom. Instead, I now walk in the authority the Lord has given me. The authority He means for us all to have, and let me tell you, it’s a powerful and beautiful thing!
We have to celebrate our victories, even the small ones! The Lord knew this month was going to be a victorious one. For that He gave me the gift to see that victory and with that gift I celebrate.
The Lord doesn’t just cry with us when we hurt but he wants to share in our victory too. So don’t forget to celebrate your victories!
“We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.” Psalm 20:5
