I used to have a roommate who would always say "This is not real life!" and 9 times out of 10 she would be referring to something crazy that I did, said, or was involved in. I do seem to always get myself into some crazy situation. I am spontaneous and silly, I love to prank, I love to laugh, and I love to have fun. But life isn't always funny and sometimes it will make you say "Is this REALLY happening? This is not real life … is it?"
I've spent the past few days packing up my house. I've been deciding what to keep, what to sell, what to throw away, and what to give away. I'm trying to determine what is really going to be important to me a year from now, as if I can even really imagine how different my life will be in a year. With every box that I tape up and every bag of clothes that I carry down the stairs, I can't help but wonder "Is this real life? Is this really MY life??" It definitely isn't the life that I planned for myself. I planned a different kind of life and a different kind of lifestyle. And one thing that life DIDN'T involve was sharing my thoughts and feelings in a blog. (I still can't believe I'm doing this)
Man … What is life going to be like when I'm gone? Not for me, but for the rest of the world! Will anyone miss me?? One of the main reasons that I was able to make such a life-changing decision so quickly is because I don't have anyone significant to consult with, look after, or think about. I guess that's supposed to be a blessing … but is it really? For everyone that I know, life will go on as usual while I'm away. I'm sure I'll be thought about and missed every now and again, but in reality, no one will be dramatically affected by my absence. (Editors Update: I know that my dear friends and family will indeed miss me! I do have people who support and love me very much and they will be affected by my 11 month absence. I LOVE YOU GUYS! [6/5/13]) A few months ago, I told a friend of mine about my decision to do this 11 month mission trip, and his response was, "You must not want to get married". (You guys sure do know how to be sensitive to a girl's feelings, don't you??!?!) Then he laid it out for me, as if I hadn't already been thinking about it myself.
"You're 28 years old" "You're not in a serious relationship"
"It would be silly for you to try to enter into a relationship before you leave"
"You're gonna be gone for a year"
"You'll be 30 when you get back"
"And even once you get back, you'll be a totally different person"
"Look how long it took to get to know the person you've already become!"
IS. THIS. REAL. LIFE?????
This can't be real life! This is not my life!! I should be married. I'm 28 years old, and in the plan that I drew up for myself I was married at 25. I'M ALREADY BEHIND SCHEDULE!
I want to be important to someone. I want the decisions that I make to impact someone else's life dramatically. It isn't always fun to agree with others when they say, "Lucky for you, it's just you. Now is the perfect time to do this!". I don't want it to be "just me" though. I want the kids and the family and the dogs and the house. But, I also want my life to be about more and to be worth more than the things that I can pack away in bags and boxes.
So in true Kristina-like fashion, I'm doing something crazy that normal people don't do. I'm doing something that will make you say 'This is not real life'. Yes, I'm leaving my home and everything that I've gotten used to … for now. No, I am not a significant other to anyone … yet. No, I don't have a husband or kids or a job or lots of money … currently. But Matthew 19:28-30 says:
"I assure you that when the world is made new and the Son of Man sits upon His glorious throne, you who have been my followers will also sit on the twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return AND will inherit eternal life. But many who are the greatest now will be the least important then, and those who seem least important now will be greatest then."
Sometimes it is difficult to believe everything that the bible says to be true, but I CHOOSE to believe it all! So when that day comes and I inherit the reward that my Father has set aside for me (both my earthly reward and my heavenly reward), it will be so amazing that I'm sure I'll be thinking and saying the same thing ……. THIS CAN'T BE REAL LIFE!
