Yesterday we were asked to attend the funeral of a Christian man in a nearby village that our Cambodian church supports. Our ministry host said in a community where more than 90% of the villagers are Buddhist, it would be good to show unity as a family of Christ. Not only did he ask us to attend, meaning we had to be ready to leave at 7:30 AM, but he also recommended that we give a donation to the family. I scoffed at this request.
Doesn’t he know that we’re still trying to raise money for ourselves? Forget the fact that I’d just bought a $4 shirt during a trip on the Bamboo Train (which I paid $5 to ride) the week prior. Who cares that I spend about $2/day on coffee or chocolatey treats? That’s my fun money. It’s money I saved specifically to treat myself during this mission trip that I have already sacrificed so much for. I’m giving this ministry lots of my time already, I shouldn’t have to give them my money too!
On top of that, I REALLY didn’t want to go to the funeral. Frankly, why should I? I’ve never met the guy, I don’t speak the language, and it will get in the way of my free time. If I am going as just a body to portray a good image moreso than to support the bereaved, what is the point? Maybe if I had more time to prepare myself mentally for this sudden schedule change, I would have a better attitude about it. I know that deaths aren’t exactly “scheduled”, but for once – just once – I’d like to get through a week as I originally planned it. Is this too much to ask for?
Actually, yes it is.
It’s asking to be in control. It’s asking to be selfish and self serving. It’s asking to choose to receive God’s love while opting out of giving it to others. It’s asking to not exercise the wonderful gifts that God has graciously bestowed upon me. For someone who’s supposed to be a missionary — scratch that — for someone who’s supposed to be a Christian, it IS asking for too much.
I’m not exercising my gifts, and just like the body, I’m losing muscle. Inaffective. Fat. Useless. What kind of a missionary doesn’t want to give freely, or doesn’t feel compassion for others in times of grief and need. Am I after God’s heart if I don’t feel others pain, laugh when they rejoice, and cry when they grieve? Do I have the gift of giving if I cringe and get bitter at the thought of someone asking for something from me? I felt like all of my reasons for not wanting to attend the funeral were more than valid. Furthermore, me choosing to go anyway says a lot of my noble character, right? I know that the bible says that God looks at the heart; but, who cares what my heart looks like when the outward appearance is more beautiful?!
Where is my heart? Where is the care and compassion that I’m SUPPOSED to have. Should I care about what I’m supposed to do? Aren’t I FREE from being pressured to move and act based on the expectations of others? Does it even matter what man thinks when I’m only trying to please my Father?
Actually, yes it does.
Looking at it one way, you could say, “Anything goes. Because of God’s immense generosity and grace, we don’t have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster.” But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well. {1 Corinthians 10:23-24 MSG}
Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples; when they see the love you have for each other. {John 13:34-35 MSG}
Jesus said to everyone, “All who want to come after me must say no to themselves, take up their cross daily, and follow me. All who want to save their lives will lose them. But all who lose their lives because of me will save them.” {Luke 9:23-24 CEB}
It doesn’t matter if my presence at the funeral was meant to support my ministry contact or if it was meant to support the family and friends who lost a loved one. These are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am called to love and give without condition. Just like I have to exercise my body, whether I want to or not, whether it is easy or not, whether it is convenient or not; I must also exercise my spiritual gifts, if I want to grow in them. Likewise, I must practice sacrificially loving others, if I desire be like Jesus. All of this is required of me, whether my flesh wants to do it or not. This is what it means to die to my flesh daily.
In the middle of listening to others speak encouraging words and share fond memories in a language that I couldn’t understand, God spoke directly to my heart; and in the middle of attending someone else’s funeral, my flesh died a little more also. But hey, when you choose to love God more than life itself, dying daily is an expected privilege.
Rest In Peace Chheang At
In what way is God asking you to die to your flesh today?
Are you willing to give Him complete control?
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GOD BLESS!
