At the beginning of this Race my desire was for the Lord to show me where I was suppose to land long term for missions. But after 9 different countries my heart grew weary. I fell in love with the people in each country, I could see different needs in each place, but my heart was not moved.
So me in my planning ahead future mindset I started A BALL rolling down A HILL. I applied for a “logical” next step after the Race. But sine when did I think God liked to work in my life logically?!?!?
My month 10 was spent on the top of a mountain in the middle of seriously NOWHERE Swaziland with NO internet access. Each time we went to town (once a week) I would check to see if the ball I had sent down the hill had any follow up. NOTHING. NOTHING AGAIN. And more NOTHING.
It seemed weird to me because all of my fellow racers around me had heard back from their next steps quite soon. Everyone was hearing back except me.
The solitude of the mountain.
The seeking the Lord in the stillness.
Soaking in how he truly was moving.
I realized. All the steps to start something for after the Race were just me trying to make this journey seem worth it. To fulfill felt expectations. To have something to move into. To not be stuck in the unknown limbo some more.
Luckily, my dad had more faith then me. At the end of month 9 he felt the Lord was going to move in me in the last two months. But again I doubted. The first 9 months didn’t get me anywhere.. So why would the last two?
Month 10 I wanted it to click. To know. To feel. But again, just no stirring. No deep knowing. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED the ministry… I LOVED the kids… I LOVED the peace of the mountain. But it wasn’t me.
One month.
Thats all.
Then back home.
How do I face the people I love and tell them I still don’t know? How do I tell my supporters that what I had desired hadn’t come to be?
Well before we headed down the mountain I released it ALL to the Lord.
I am not here to please man.
I am not here to have it all together.
I am not here to always know whats next.
I’m here to trust in the Lord’s plans for me.
I’m here to continually surrender my will into his hands.
Shape.
Mold.
Change.
Into YOUR WILL.
Well then MONTH 11 happened…
I came into this month truly having no expectations. The Lord was going to show up and move in the ways he had planned and I just wanted to make myself available.
Well, it’s happened.
I didn’t expect this AT ALL. I just was ready to finish the Race strong and walk into the unknown future with the strength of the Lord.
I’ve found my home.
My nitch.
My deepest heart strings plucked.
The depths of my soul stirred.
There are still a BILLION unknowns and A TON of scary decisions and conversations to be had. But there is something about Port Elizabeth, SA… I WILL be back!
** Please continue to partner with me in prayer as I continue to seek the Lord about returning to this place!
