I first off want to apologize for not updating my blog much recently. Not that I need an excuse but life on the Race has been crazy lately.
One of the many reasons I haven’t been blogging recently has been all of the different transitions that have been going on. Since Romania (and my last blog post..) we have had PVT (Parent Vision Trip), debrief, team changes, travel to Ukraine, finding out the date we fly home, ministry in Ukraine, thinking about going home and making plans for the future.. All while trying to stay PRESENT.
It is a reality that I will be back on American soil on August 1st… So many thoughts and questions arise in my spirt as I think of this looming transition.
How will my family react to having me back?
How will I fit into their new normal?
What about my friends?
How do I even start to express all that I have experienced?
Will they see the change?
Ask anyone who has known me for more then five seconds and they will be able to tell you that I am a “wait-until-life-slaps-you-across-the-face” person. So over the past few months as my teammates and friends have been thinking and planning about the future, I just have been doing life as Kristin.
Not really planning or worried because I know the Lord will move and have his way in my life. (As He always has). But there are old fears coming back to the surface about planning and the future that make me just want to stay in a place of denial.
The future scares me.
The future seems daunting.
Every time I come to a transition in my journey I feel like I have to have “the rest of my life” figured out. Like there is this looming pressure to have it all together. My 1 year, 5 year, 10 year outlook. But why?
What if I am only confident in about a week? Or even a day? Or what about just an hour?
Since being on the Race I have started to live so much in the present with the Lord that I am able to freely function in the Spirits leading every day even down to every second. Leaning on His will, plan, and purpose for me in those moments.
It catches me when we are walking in the city square and pass a lady begging. Or I feel it when I know I need to speak something to my teammate. Or when I know I need to just sit in His presence to fill my soul.
I am able to follow the leading of the Spirit because I am here in the moment.
This doesn’t mean I am not going to move forward after the Race and have some future outlook. But I will continue walking daily in the movement of the Spirit as He leads me daily, hourly, minutely, and secondly.
“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” ~ Matthew 6:33-34
