I'm four months in…
In a relationship, this means you have the conversation that decides if you take it to the next step or if you let things go. In sports, this means the regular season is over and the excitement of playoffs begins. And on the World Race, you think you are over most of the crap in your past and you are ready to give it your all!
BUT TONIGHT I REALIZED I HAVE NOTHING FIGURED OUT!!!
I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what training the new squad leaders looks like. I don’t know how to “fix” some people on the squad. I don’t know what this next month looks like- am I a squad leader, a racer, or "the awkward ex-girlfriend"? I don’t know how to give everything I have this last month when in all reality I have nothing to give because I am so tired. I don’t know how to rest in the Lord presence we I can’t escape the chaos of this world. I don’t know all the answers to the five million finance questions. I don’t know how to be myself in this constantly changing environment. I don’t know what I’m going to do at the end of this month. I don’t know how to destroy the pride that is deeply rooted in my heart. I don’t know how to truly die to myself and let my spirit take over. I don’t know how to accomplish everything I desire in the next 27 days…
BUT PRAISE THE LORD I DON’T HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!!!
PRAISE THE LORD, IT’S OK TO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER!!!
I do know that God loves me for who I am! I do know he searches the depths of my heart and knows my every thought and emotion before they are formed! I do know Jesus fights for me everyday. I do know that my Daddy showers me with grace even when I don’t deserve it. I do know the Lord is my biggest cheerleader and support system. I do know I’m leading L squad for a reason, and they need what I have to offer. I do know it’s part of the Lords perfect plan to have me stay on the field for 5 months. I do my heart has grown tremendously and I love L squad in a way I never thought possible. I do know my Papa has gone before me and paved my path. I do know it’s the Spirit that gives me strength to keep going when I am ready to give up. I do know I have a team of six this month instead of just two. I do know I have people that believe in me because of who I am, not for what I do.
So this is me!
I can stop pretending like I have it all together. Release all expectations. And just be.
