I have not stopped for the past 6 months! If it wasn’t traveling to a new team every week on the World Race, then it was traveling to a new state every week to see friends and family in the States…
WHEW- I am tired
But the journey isn't stopping. I boarded a plane last Monday to head to Guatemala!!!
I arrived in Guatemala exhausted, scared, and anxious! I walked out the doors of the airport to find a man with a smile holding a sign “KK”. In my mind, I thought, “What have I got myself into??” I graciously handed him all my stuff- 2 bags and a guitar and hopped in the back of the van.
The team was waiting for me with smiles and hugs! Oh, just what I needed. The team showed me around the house. Then Jonathan (him and his wife are the leaders) directed me to “my room”. I followed him out the doors and followed his finger as he pointed towards a TENT set up in the back yard. He looked at me with this ridiculous grin!! Any other time, I probably would have been upset, but in this instant I was excited to be alone and get the REST I have needed for months!!!
And so it began
Little did I know, this “time of solitude” would be accompanied with fasting and lots of hard questions to process!!
The first evening was a little bit of journaling and reading BUT a lot of sleeping! I slept almost twelve hours the first night… Now that the physically rest had been accomplished it was time for the spiritual rest!
Question 1: Why am I here?
(Sigh of relief… that’s not hard to answer)
The Lord spoke- INTIMACY. REST. and WALKING OUT SURRNEDER
Question 2: Jesus, what’s spiritual rest?
(a little harder but not bad)
The Lord directed me to Hebrews 4 and Psalm 95, and that’s when my heart started to melt.
(this one is going to be harder than I thought)
He unveiled to me that REST is an act of OBEDIENCE.
“… those who formerly received the good news failed to enter (rest) because of disobedience.” Heb 4:6
“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your heart.” Ps 95:7,8
The light bulb went off. I had been running from the Lord which lead to my exhaustion. I had been physically obedient by coming to Guatemala. BUT I was not being obedient, because my heart wasn’t in it! I left saying, see you in a couple months. I wanted to go where he told me, BUT I wasn’t willing to give it my all. I wanted to return to America so I could follow MY dreams- getting that jobs that provides a paycheck, getting a husband, living comfortably, having my own dog, etc.
Tears started to run down my face, as I surrendered my heart completely to the Lord. I wrote in my journal, “Right now I surrender my expectation of going home anytime soon! I surrender my expectation for my future- a job, a husband, a dog! I want to be where you want me. I want to do your work.”
The questions continued. The tears continued. The REST continued.
During that time, the Lord wrecked my world… and then put me back together more beautifully than ever!
I’m in for one wild journey with the Lord. But I’m excited to see where it takes me!!
I’M ALL IN!
