The last few weeks have been full of mixed emotions and exhaustion. I have sold most of my possessions, leased out my house and moved in with an awesome family until we launch in January! I've been pulled out my comfort zone before, but definitely nothing to this extent. I've been in a constant state of letting go of so much I've known and found comfort in, and can't lie that there has been an element of sorrow and loss. There is, however, no sense of regret! I have seen the letting go as necessary 1) as a challenge to see Christ as my fulfillment, joy and comfort; 2) I don’t believe I’m supposed to raise or save up enough money to pay for over a year’s worth of storage for “stuff”; and 3) selling everything would help raise some needed money for my journey. After all, how can I ask others to make sacrifices to give towards this journey if I’m not willing to first go well above and beyond that?
So what DO I need in order to live a happy, fulfilled life on this earth? If the answer was or ever is the amount of or comfort in “my stuff”, my aim is short and I will always be left wanting. In my privileged American mindset, the lines of what I want and what I need blur so much they really just make one giant buffer zone. God has told us that He has given us everything we need to live a godly life and the resource is His own self. He doesn’t give us peace, He gives us Himself and He is peace. He doesn’t give us joy. He gives us Himself and He is joy. He doesn’t give us love. He gives us Himself and He is love. Get the idea? My relationship with Him, the King of Kings and Creator of the world, begins here and now, lasts forever, and fulfills every need I could ever have.
I'm thrilled to see that God has been drawing me more and more to His heart and eternal purpose and further away from the temporary fulfillments of my American culture. When God graced me with salvation, He adopted me and transferred me to a different culture, a Kingdom culture. These last few weeks have been another start to an ever expanding understanding of this new culture. I have often spoken of being unsettled and holding things loosely, but have never quite been required (or taken the initiative) to take action. Words are easy to speak, but I don’t want to be a person of many words. I want to be a person whose actions reflect my true heart, rather the heart God is continually transforming inside of me. His heart is that His name will be known among all people, every tribe, every nation; and He is conforming my heart to match His…and THAT is why I’m going on this journey. I'm not saying true transformation requires everyone to sell everything and that possessions are bad. I'm sure there will be a time when I will have a home and more "stuff" again, but there are seasons for everything and this is mine to let all that go!
A lot of people have been asking me what I'm going to do when I get back in regards to a job, living, etc.; BUT I have no answer. How can I plan for life when I return when I have no idea what He will do and where He will lead over the next year?! If I'm going to let go, I have to also let go of control, not just possessions. The same God who drew me to this journey and will provide everything necessary to go is the same God who will provide anything I need to live when I return. I’m so excited for this path, including working through the transitions and difficult moments….and I’ll probably need to write that down, sign, and date it to be reminded I said that in the actual difficult moments. HaHa
