Many people romanticize “mission trips”. They dream of being heroes in some poverty stricken community with the biggest sacrifice being separation from family, friends and comforts of home; hugging kids with snotty noses and dirt covering them; or being tired from working hard during their “mission”. They dream of feeling a sense of accomplishment after some sort of humanitarian act like building a house, cleaning an area, or something of these sorts. You may be thinking, “Man, Kristin, lighten up.” These are not necessarily bad things, but this alone is not God’s heart behind “missions”. Allow me to take this even a little deeper….some may even anticipate a “mission trip” as an opportunity to escape their “normal life” or think going on such a journey will somehow earn some reward or make up for feeling unhappy about how they are living their lives at home. Why can I say these things so boldly and blunt? I can say this because this used to be my ideal. Praise God, He sent me a woman who has become very dear to my heart. She learned of my heart for “missions” and offered to mentor me. As we got to know each other, she told me that she could see God developing this passion in me but that I wasn’t ready. Admittedly, my pride took a hit that day. Inside, my pride wanted to become defensive and fight back with justification and proof that she was wrong. I don’t remember now how I handled that situation, but I was meeting with her because I was hungry for challenge and growth and change. Whether I showed it or not, I appreciated the honesty. I also grew to understand the truth and love from which it came.
Often, when you begin a new journey, there’s a honeymoon period where you’re living in a euphoric world. A world where everything is great, emotions and spirits are high, and one is easy to tackle the world. Before I go further, let me just say that I love my team; and shared this blog with them before I posted it. We have found ourselves asking, “What happened to the honeymoon?” Our time thus far has presented some intense challenges both as a team and individually. After some time processing and praying, I believe the Lord has shown me that we are simply experiencing the truth and cost behind the true heart of a missionary. You see, being a missionary doesn’t have anything to do with location or task or snot-nosed children. Being a missionary is a lifestyle with a significant cost. I believe the reality of that cost is being revealed among our team, as well as other teams on our squad. Another influential person in my life once stated that you don’t cross through some sort of magical missionary portal when you cross the ocean. Meaning, you won’t decide to go on a mission trip, and on the way there, suddenly be rid of all your issues and struggles and weaknesses. In fact, they will be enhanced because you will be in an uncomfortable situation. The new culture and their way of doing things, the environment, the living conditions, the food, new relationships, and so many other new things seem to be what is difficult to adapt to. However, I believe these things are only surface level instruments that cultivate and draw out deeper issues – issues of pride, selfishness, fear, mistrust, control, etc. the development of the heart of a missionary must begin in each individual’s walk with Jesus Christ. If we are pursuing anything other than Him for any reason other than His purposes, we’re going to burn out quick. The heart of a missionary is one that is dependent on Jesus for everything whether that be what testimony to share, how to pray, where to walk, what to eat, who to speak to and what to say. This requires dying to what we want or think is best. This requires dying to the methods and means by which we’ve operated for so long. This means walking in bold trust and expectation in who Jesus says He is as well as who we are in Him. This may even require dying to something we’ve wished we could do all our lives for the sake of being more engaged with the nationals or ministry we are connected to. There is a richness and an intimacy with God beyond compare that comes when one “dies to self”. I’ve only begun to taste it, and I want so much more.
“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves som or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:37-39
I’ve been very blessed by our ministry host for this month as I feel like they are living out this lifestyle! It’s an exiting thing to see. I’m so glad to be partnering with them. They have been an encouragement and challenge to me. We’ve all been learning and growing together, and I can clearly see the Lord’s hand in it all. Pray for them as they continue to work in this community after we leave.
