My grandmother’s birthday would have been today. 10.2.29.
She was my favorite person. She was funny, sassy, and loved me so deeply.
One time, there was a storm about to hit, and my grandmother told me to “get in the bathtub!” in her perfect Kentuckian accent. There was worry in her voice, so I did what she said, even though I thought it was completely ridiculous. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, my grandmother slowly made her way over to the “commode” and sat down, and my mom stood in the open space. We had put the homemade blueberry cobbler in the oven 30 minutes before, so I knew that it was going to be finished while we were still hanging out in the bathroom for cover. That was really my only concern; how are we going to eat the cobbler if we are in here? Luckily, my mom was there and she got permission from Grandmother to leave the bathroom long enough to rescue the cobbler and top it with some ice cream before returning. We sat in the bathroom, eating our cobbler and listening to the rain on the roof. While Grandmother’s fear and worry was very real, I was convinced that we would have been safe anywhere in her home. Looking back, it made for a funny situation. Fear and worry can drive us to do silly things. Things that are illogical, or misguided. Worry can cause us to miss the things that we need the most and focus on things that are just not helpful. In the cobbler situation, I saw how much fun that situation was, but in the moment, I didn’t understand why that would help Grandmother to not worry. It was something that sounded weird to me, but calmed her.
The change of being on the field has brought up so many amazing things, and a few hard things. Fear has been a part of what my squad (and I) have been learning about this month. Fear of the unknown, fear of new things, fear of offending people in our new culture (Swazi or World Race), fear of being ourselves… and many others. When we are afraid or are apprehensive about something, we get stuck. We become immobile and lose our forward momentum. We lose our ability to make a step towards anything good. When that happens, we are just stuck in our fear, our apprehension, and our worry. What good comes from that?
God helps us to have that forward motion. He helps us to have hope that our fear will go away. He shows us a way through the fear-filled fogginess and gives us vision for the future. At least, that’s how I see it. There have been occasions in the last few weeks where I have woken up from dreams with fear in the front of my mind. My solution? Pray. I pray that God will take my fear, that He will show me His vision for the situation, and I ask for peace. It’s not a “snap your fingers and everything is magically okay” kind of situation, but it is one that I now have the forward motion and drive to learn and grow in what the Lord provides for me.
Because of what I’ve seen in my squad, I pray more. I see things more from the perspective that the Lord wants for me, and I have more faith that God can do crazy amazing things. He can heal. He can show us how to love people. He can take away fear. God is not only a provider, but a defender, as well. I’ve seen it, and it is a beautiful thing.
LIFE UPDATE: We are on our way to Nelspruit, South Africa for a debrief of our first month. Swaziland was amazing, as always, and it was a great time for me to reconnect with the culture that I loved last year. The girls from the Hosea’s Heart (my ministry last November) are doing well, and it was wonderful to see them, too. The Carepoint ministry in Nsoko went well for all of the Racers. They dug trenches, painted buildings neon green, folded clothes, worked in gardens, worked with TONS of children from ages 1-18. They learned enough SiSwati to love the locals by speaking their language a little and sometimes bring some laughter to situations. They survived (and thrived) during their first month, and are excited for their second month in Lesotho. Life is good. Thanks for reading. You da best.
