I’m sitting on the floor of a church building, drinking coffee out of my new favorite ceramic mug. I am reading a book that I got a used book store outside of an Arabian restaurant called Yum Yum Tree. The book was 100 rupees ($1.55), and it’s book about walking with God. It has truly been a gift from the Lord.
I am reading about things that I absolutely need; solitude, rest, and perspective. The perspective is reinforcing good things that the Lord has been trying to show me for a long time, but I didn’t want to see. Change is hard, you know?
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Here’s some context.
I tend to run myself dry. I keep going and going until I crash, then I refuel somehow and start again. It’s not the healthiest of cycles, but I have found that in some convoluted way, it has made sense in my head. Over time, I have accepted that it is a way of life. For example…
– after getting home from the World Race in December 2016, I had a job interview and was hired within 2 weeks. That didn’t leave much room for rest with all of the holiday shindigs, and re-entry to the good ol’ USA isn’t the easiest. I didn’t rest with the Lord.
– when I was done teaching in June, I had 3 days before I left for Macedonia for the rest of the month. I was finishing teaching, saying goodbye to all my students and new friends, packing up my apartment, packing my backpack, and going to a wedding in another state… it was busy.
– while I was in Macedonia, I sat with the Lord and made the decision to squad lead. it was great… except that meant that I would have 4 days between arriving back in the states and going to training camp. I also had to move out of my apartment during that time. I also got bedbugs in my pack on the last day of my trip and I had to take care of that. life never slowed down.
– training camp happened, and we had 7 weeks in between training and our start date for the Race 2.0. I didn’t stay in any place longer than 2 weeks. I also got very sick (maybe because I never slowed down…)
– now, I am living a life that is filled with travel days, intentional conversations, problem-solving, writing, reading, coffee-making, sermon-giving, international calling via the interwebs, and so much more. life is so dang good, but really busy.
Generally speaking, I don’t slow down. I don’t choose to slow down. It seems inefficient to do anything but go, go, go.
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Now, I am trying to fix that. With help from the Lord, some friends, some racers, and my own experience, I am attempting to find ways to justify slowing down and taking a break. This life of fast-paced craziness is not the way of life that God has for me, and it doesn’t seem to be the healthiest for me or the people around me.
Finding small times of rest has been helpful for me to see the value. I was riding in the back of an auto, looking out the back of the thing, the wind blowing through the open windows. I was bouncing back and forth between reading my book, paying attention to the words in some new music I had found, and looking at people living life around us. It was exactly what I needed in that moment.
A few days ago, I had the most restful day in a LONG time. I woke up early, went to Starbucks, drank some coffee, and talked to Kendall, one of my former squadmates. We updated each other on our lives, talked about the enneagram, laughed about things, and had some quality time via the interwebs. After that, I went to another coffee shop and spent some time with one of the teams. We talked to a woman in charge of decorating the quaint coffee roastery for Christmas. She showed us the details of what she was preparing to put up in the place. We sat at a long table, drinking (more) coffee, asking questions, and getting more perspective from each other. It was really good for me. I asked the owner of the coffee shop where they get their mugs/cups and whether I could buy one. He brought one back and said “it is for you.” It brought so much joy to my heart. After a little while, the team decided to leave and go do other things in the city. I decided to stay and eat some food. I spent some time with the Lord and it was amazing. After a few hours, I went back to the place we were staying, and got to hang out with the teams and other friends. Quality conversation is my jam. I got to ask lots of questions, and that is my FAVORITE. I’m curious to the core. Lastly, we went and did trivia with a new friend here in India! We didn’t know many answers… because we aren’t Indian, but it was so fun. We shared laughs and made other people laugh with our ignorance. Americans make for good comic relief sometimes.
None of the events in my day were profound. They were not events that would be recognized as life-changing, but for me they absolutely were. They were life-changing in the way of slowing down, experiencing things that were for myself, and learning to love more of what’s around me. I found rest in the Lord and the people around me, rather than feeling drained and over-worked. I chose to do things that I knew I needed rather than solely looking for what was best for others. I chose not to feel bad about doing what I needed and staying by myself for a while. I chose to open my mind to the Lord and where He was leading me through the day. Do I need to stay at this coffee shop or should I go spend time with the teams? “Stay.” That’s what I felt more peace about, and that time was invaluable.
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Rest is a hard thing for me to choose, but this week was a week of discovery. I discovered the negative effects of not resting, and I discovered the restoration that I can find through a day of true rest. It’s not that I sat and did nothing, but I was finally able to do things that refuel me. I see the value, and I am going to try to keep finding that when I need it.
