I leave New England in 38 hours. I will arrive in Atlanta, undergo some final training, and then in a matter of days, I will be on a plane headed to India. This thing is REALLY happening. This moment has felt so far away for the past year and now it is actually here and I have to say, I’m freaking out a bit.
Contrary to popular belief, I am scared. Terrified actually. Or perhaps this isn’t much of a revelation to you. Although everyone is so supportive and caring, I feel as if the underlying feelings are that I am running away from my problems by pursuing the race this year. I graduated with a degree that I do not intend to pursue. I’m still not entirely sure what the plan is. Maybe I’ll go to grad school, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll use my degree, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll complete my licensure to teach, but maybe I won’t. That’s a lot of maybes… a lot of uncertainty.
Just to make sure we’re clear here, I am not at all afraid of the World Race. I am afraid of what may or may not come afterward. I believe I have expressed this similar sentiment in other posts but now I am staring it in the face so to speak. I have allowed myself to think a lot of lies in the last two weeks or so. These lies are included, but not limited to:
- I’m not a good enough Christian for this
- I’m not prepared for this
- I don’t know how to teach the gospel
- I don’t know how to disciple others
- So many people are disappointed in my choices
- This is the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever done
- I will never be able to raise the remaining $4,500 dollars
But the one thing about each of these statements that I absolutely know to be true is that THEY ARE LIES. When I was at training camp a couple of months ago the Lord showed me over and over again that:
- I am enough for this.
- I know His gospel.
- I don’t always know how to teach it but He does and he never leaves me or forsakes me.
- People are not at all disappointed in my choice… people are PROUD of me.
- This is perhaps irresponsible in the eyes of the world, but it is the most responsible choice in the eyes of my Father.
- It is true that I won’t raise the remaining funds, GOD will.
The enemy has effectively used his time in the weeks between training camp and launch and I have allowed him to but today as I reflect and pack and prepare, I hear the still small voice of the Lord reassuring me and encouraging me. He is speaking to me gently and is reminding me that by facing my fears, by running head first towards them by doing the race, that HE is preparing me for the next step. He is leading me towards the afterward. I don’t know what I will learn this year, but I guarantee it will be a lot. My Creator has asked me to follow him across the nations and I said yes. He knew long before he asked me that I would be walking in with lots and lots of maybes and uncertainties. This journey is going to be wild, and crazy, and incredible.I only as for bold prayers. Pray for miracles and healings. Pray for safety and protection. Pray for me.
The next time you all hear from me I’ll be somewhere in India working alongside my teammates, hosts, and Father and I can’t wait to update you then. Please know that I will be taking a six-week social media fast. The best way to stay in touch with me will be by following my blog!
