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As you may or may not know, Vietnam is a closed communist country. It isn’t illegal to be a Christian, and it also technically isn’t illegal to evangelize… however the government can do whatever it wants and they are capable of manipulating the interpretation of some laws to make evangelizing illegal. So yes, it is pretty dangerous. We’ve spent a lot of time this month trying to be careful in our ministry in order to protect ourselves and protect our hosts and honestly… it instilled some fear in me. I subconsciously believed that God wouldn’t be there to protect me if things got sticky. I subconsciously believed that everything was over if I got arrested.
Today, our final day in Vietnam (and Asia), my eyes finally recognized the fear that my heart had been hearing all month long.
This week was our Christmas break/Leadership Development Weekend (LDW). We got a few days truly off to relax and celebrate, and we spent the last two days in LDW. Leadership Development Weekend is an opportunity for our squadmates to plan sessions for us on all sorts of topics. It is a way to highlight the things that our squadmates are experts on or are super passionate about. It involves a lot of listening, community, and always worship. Always.
Things looked a little different for LDW this month. We met up in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam which is arguably the busiest city in the whole country. On top of that we are all staying in a small budget hotel right in the HEART of the main tourist section of the city. There wasn’t a way to hold meetings at our hotel so we did all of our sessions at a nearby Starbucks (and yes, it was expensive).
This was all fine and dandy until this morning. One of the worship coordinators for my squad, Daniel, approached me and asked if I would help facilitate a time of worship with him later on in the day and I said yes right away. I love serving my squad through worship, but when we met later to practice I realized that the worship was part of a session he was planning. AKA it would be happening AT STARBUCKS. A SUPER PUBLIC PLACE IN A COMMUNIST COUNTRY. As we practiced I pushed that fact aside. I just enjoyed the music and tried to remind myself that it is okay to break the (sort of) law for the gospel sometimes.
Thoughts of worship and what might happen honestly consumed me for the rest of the afternoon. I couldn’t stop thinking of worst case scenarios and I was getting so anxious. As the time neared to get up there and lead, me and Daniel stepped off to the side to pray over the session. I admitted my anxiousness and he prayed for that too and it worked…. sort of.
As we sang the first song I was painfully aware of my proximity to the stairs. I realized that if police came busting up there or even just an angry Starbucks employee, I would be the first person they would interact with. *cue sweaty palms and palpitating heart here* Every time someone came up the stairs my stomach dropped and I continued to rebuke myself over and over again to have more faith in Christ. I kept telling myself to trust His Sovereign plan. When it was my turn to jump in and lead the rest of the set I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was now the absolute furthest away from the stairs. Daniel and I moved our way fairly seamlessly through the next four songs and at some point I forgot about the potential dangers completely. I began to truly worship while the rest of the squad worked on writing some Psalms of their own. I began to hear the Father whisper reassurance. It was awesome.
Then it came time for everyone to sing together again. Fifty people worshipping in a Starbucks. I felt another small pang of panic but as I looked around at the smiles and confidence of those around me it quickly faded. And boy, did we worship. We were singing the song “Forever” by Kari Jobe and we just decided to intentionally sing it as loud as we could because everyone needs to know the goodness of God. Everyone needs to know that Jesus Christ was crucified and resurrected for their sake. As we sang I looked outside and right across the street there was a rooftop bar and I saw several tables of people just staring at us. I got so fired up!
This was easily one of the most incredible experiences of my life and I will treasure it in my heart forever. This instance taught me the joy and freedom of living boldly and radically for the Lord. It has me so ready for the continent change that we’ll be taking on in just a few hours to AFRICA! I am so excited to share the gospel in Ethiopia with whoever I may encounter. I can’t wait to listen to the voice of the Lord and to do what He asks even in the face of opposition or maybe even dange. I am eager to trust His sovereignty and goodness in this next season!
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See you in Africa,
Kristen
P.S. Mom, Dad, Nana, Gramp, and anyone else who may be a little worried after this post, take a deep breath. I promise to use discernment and wisdom in my risk taking. I love you!
