I am not an evangelist who walks around with with concern for the salvation of people’s souls 24/7. Does it matter to me? Of course. Is it my driving force? No. I’m not one of those pastoral types who is overwhelmed by compassion for people everywhere they go. The hearts of others matter more to them more than anything else. They know how to love people first.
As I’ve continued my journey on the World Race, I’ve come to understand that just being in the presence of people doesn’t drive me to love them. But you know who I do love, more than anything or anyone else?
God.
And he loves people. This journey has brought me to discover I am not moved by the hearts of people; I am moved by God’s heart for people. And sometimes, when I am exceptionally blessed, he loves his people through me.
This morning the pastor of the small church we’re partnered with, just outside of Phnom Penh, brought us along for his house visits. Our first stop was the house of a woman whose name I couldn’t spell if I tried. She was elderly, and the pastor told us she was struggling to pay a medical loan. She was probably going to have to sell her house to repay the debt.
As I looked at her weathered face, her eyes heavy and downcast, it was as if I could feel her hopelessness emanating throughout the room. The atmosphere of her house was oppressive, but I knew God wanted to move. My team encouraged her and reminded her that God provides, even if it doesn’t come in exactly the way we want or expect. She nodded, because of course she already knew. Hearing those words wasn’t going to bring her the hope she so desperately needed.
Suddenly I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit, one of those little nudges that when ignored only becomes stronger and stronger until you have do something about it. So I decided not to ignore it. I asked the pastor if he would read Philippians 4:12-13 to her.
It says, “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Tears came to her eyes as she listened to the passage, bookmarking it when the pastor finished.
Since she didn’t speak any English, I asked the pastor to interpret and ask her if I could take her hands. She said yes. Immediately she averted her eyes, looking away from me as if she felt an unworthiness that prevented her from meeting my gaze. In that moment, the Lord overwhelmed me with his love for her. I loved her as if she were my daughter, even though she was 40 years my senior. I asked her to look into my eyes. She did for a brief moment, and I pray that she saw God’s love shining there.
As the pastor interpreted, I told her she is so beautiful and so loved. I told her she is never a failure in God’s eyes. She squeezed my hands tighter as the tears began flowing. My team came around us and prayed for health, healing, and provision.
As I closed the prayer she would not let go of my hands. I don’t know this woman, but the Holy Spirit showed me how strong she had been for her family, how outwardly she was holding it together, but inwardly she was falling apart. God chose that moment to demonstrate how much he loves his children, and he chose to show her through me.
The Holy Spirit asked me to kiss her hands, and when I did, it was as if a physical barrier was broken and she rested upon me and began to weep. I pulled her into my arms and stoked her back and hair as a mother would comfort a child. I held her in my arms for several minutes, because that was how God called me to love her. He knew what she needed, I was just his willing vessel.
I pulled back from her to stoke her face. I told her that Jesus loves her and that she never has to be afraid. I didn’t understand much of what she said in return other than thank you. She would not take her eyes from me, but I believe it was God inside of me she was seeing. He wanted her to know he would never leave her, never forsake her. He wanted her to know she is his precious child.
Later that day we found out the money was sent to the bank and the loan was paid for. Praise God.
I was blessed. I was blessed to experience the love that God has for his people. It’s overwhelming. I was reminded how much he wants to care for us in every moment. To say I love people would not do his love justice. I don’t love people, God loves them through me.
