“The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position.” James 1:9
These words concluded my prayer session one morning in Bulgaria.
As I was wrapping up, I asked the Lord, ‘would you please give me a word or verse for the day?” I faintly heard the Holy Spirit say- “James 1:9.”
When I say I heard Him, I’m not talking about a booming audible voice like Moses heard from God at the burning bush or the whisper the Lord spoke in to Elijiah as he hid from Jezebel in 1 Kings 19. I am talking about a stirring in my heart, like a thought or an inner sound as if my conscious could talk.
Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice.” Although I don’t always hear Him perfectly 100% of the time, due to my own thoughts, I am convicted that the words that He spoke in John 10:27 are true and that with time and practice I will know His voice.
So, since this wasn’t an audible voice I naturally wondered, “was that me or God?” I flipped to James 1:9 and read it. I wasn’t particularly moved at the moment, so I thought, “That could have just been me. Never the less… a good word to think about.”
As I came down the stairs ready to start the day. Refreshed from my morning prayer sesh, the words of this verse kept playing through my head (this was rather surprising because scripture is usually really difficult for me to memorize)
By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was ready to rally the team up for the day. But the Lord had other plans. Our squad leaders who were visiting intercepted me right before I entered the room. “Kristen! Hey can we meet with you for a sec?” As I looked out the window I noticed that 3 chairs were placed in a circle on the grass in the backyard. I thought, ‘that’s kind of different, why are we meeting out there? Well I guess its warm out, so it kind of makes sense.’ “Yes!” I responded enthusiastically. I love meeting with those ladies- they are always an encouragement.
So I quickly changed directions to our little outdoor office. Once out there the girls asked me how I felt about team leading and where my heart was. I explained that I felt God and I were in a good place, that I was going to look to Him for the strength and wisdom I needed to lead these women into the last 3 months. I was ready to continue taking on the challenge 🙂 Chrin and Sara offered another option. One that I didn’t really see coming. All of a sudden James 1:9 echoed through my mind again. These women were asking me to step down. They felt that my time as a team leader had come to an end and that the Lord really wants my undivided attention in the next 3 months.
Although I completely trust these women, this request was a little hard to receive. I had finally started walking in the God given confidence that I needed to lead these women. I was a little upset in a sense that I felt I was finally getting the hang of it and God wanted to pull me to the next thing. I guess that is how it is… so that I can continually depend on Him. Can’t do that when you think you got it all figured out.
Not to mention… my pride was hurt a little bit- hence James 1:9 (He really did speak to me!! and prepared me for the next steps) What are people going to think?
Chrin and Sara encouraged me that this change was not because they thought I was incapable or had not been doing a good job, its just the seasons are changing and they really want me to be able to enjoy the last 3 months, not get burned out and raise some other women up. If you were there and listening to my shpeal about how God and I were going to conquer the next 3 months you would have probably seen the same thing behind my every word. Striving, climbing, panting, exhausting… Its time for me to rest. Rest in heart. Focus on Him, focus on the ministry and my journey over the next 3 months.
As I step into my new role as a racer on a new team Beauty for Ashes with Jamie Smith, Wendy Baer, Jessica Brimmer, Maria Rocha and led by a mighty woman of God- Kat Law, I am so thankful for this next season that God has for me.
I have already begun to see the importance of this time as I think back over the race so far and look forward to things that I still hope to accomplish.
Please be in prayer with me that I don’t become apathetic, stepping out of leadership is showing me just how much I poured out over the last 5 months and I feel exhausted. I don’t want this to hamper my last 3 months with my new teammates and the ministries that God has in store for me.
This month I am working at Casa Maria a convalescent home for the elderly! God has blessed me with lots of grandmas to hug over the course of this race and now I am finally able to give back to them. Today I am in charge of aerobics 🙂 Expect some fun pictures to come.
(picture credit: Kip Deaton)
These are the ladies I'll be doing womanistry in Antigua with this month. NO MEN! 🙂
(picture credit: Kip Deaton)
Getting dropped off on the side of the road with not a clue where to go, but we found our way! This was taken right before we went to the convelecent home.
Love you all! Thank you for your prayers and support!
