CONTINUED... THE REALITY OF IT ALL - Explore Archived World Race Alumni Blogs

The following Monday I set out for ministry at Casa Maria again. I thought I had gotten over the shock of it all, but paranoia had set in. We took the bus most of the way, but we still needed to walk about two blocks to the front door (the exact place where the incident happened). I kept getting flash backs. I held all my tension in my neck, looking left and right, tensing up every time a guy on a bike passed by.

I thought, 'Is this worth it? Is this worth risking my life? I mean, these people know Jesus Christ. They know the Messiah.' I understand persecution/ risking my life for people to know the Lord, but this was a risk for people's enjoyment in their last days. My heart was hardened and I was over it.

That night our squad leaders met with all of us girls involved. I shared my heart and even threw out my thoughts that I didn’t think it was worth it. I was corrected by one of my squadmates, which was hard for me to hear in the state I was in, but she was right. The people we serve have nothing left to live for. They tell us everyday that they can't wait for 9:30 am when we arrive because they get so much joy from seeing us each day and that they are going to miss us when we are gone. So precious!

My squad leaders felt it was a good idea for me to take the next day off and spend the day with the Lord. I agreed. I had lots of questions and lots of things to consider. At this point I was ready to go home. I cried that night and prayed that I would be able to see my friends and family again. You all mean so much to me.

Some questions were- “Am I supposed to stay on the WR," “Will you keep us safe here?" “Do I need to continue working at Casa Maria?” “Should I warn others about coming here?” “How can I change my outlook?”

In response, I was led to a series of scriptures along with this whisper, “Don’t deprive My people from knowing Me. I have not forgotten them.” Those words alone brought me so much peace. I surrendered my heart to Him, surrendered my life to Him.

Philippians 1:21 “For me to life is Christ and to die is gain.”

This verse has so much more meaning to me now. With just 2 months left, we are hard pressed on all sides. Spiritual persecution in the mind saying, 'You can't do it, your not good enough, etc and physical persecution. Its nuts, but this is what I chose and I have no doubt that the Lord is getting us through.

During that day off, these were the verses the Lord brought me to. They are now hanging by my bed to give me encouragement when I fall into fear, anxiety or feeling like I have nothing left to give. God's word- The Sword of the Spirit, helping me fight through to the end. THANKS GOD!

Philippians 3:13-14

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what was behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Psalm 91:7-8

“A thousand may fall at your side, 10,00 at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes…”

Ezekiel 2:6

“And, you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious nation.”