In the last 10 days I have seen Kingdom unfold in these ways:
The Holy Spirit’s classroom. Surrounded by friends and some acquaintances, but it doesn’t matter anyhow, we’re all family. Each one loved and accepted; welcomed in. I walk through the door and find a sense of home. Hugs all around. The kitchen table talk commences; freedom and openness reign. Wine, fruit, and cheese are not the only delicacies we are feasting on, but the mysteries and things of God. It’s there in the gaze and laughter and smiles around the table as we express our hearts free from all judgement and fear; it’s in that moment I express silently in my heart, “we are living it.” . . . let love be genuine. Kingdom.
Recognizing as Satan, those thoughts that daily creep into my subconscious viciously planting ill-good in my mind. When I am doubting myself. When I feel unloveable. When he tells me I will be single forever. When he whispers, “you will be forgotten in Cambodia.” When I hear the words, failure, fraud, or disappointment. When it moves from my mind and frustrations harbor in my heart as I outwardly roll my eyes. When he whispers, “isn’t so and so just so yada yada” or when my flesh seeks it’s own, I consciously have to choose to allow the Kingdom to break in. I must eat and drink the Word of God. I must fill my heart with truth. I must meditate and pray. I must ask God to enter in and fill my mind with light. I must repent. I must daily grasp hold in this way . . . abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. Kingdom.
I instantly see Kingdom in the faces of World Racers. We come from different squads; we have trudged through different soils; we own very different stories. But we are family. We might barely remember each other’s names, but we won’t forget each other’s faces. And if you need prayer, I will wrap my arms around you and hug you and let you cry. I will pray and speak all the words the Holy Spirit is telling me to share. Or if I am the mess, you will seek me out, lay hands on me, speak life into me, and pray powerful prayers over me, as you listen to the Lord on my behalf. Why? Because that is just how children in this family are raised! . . . love one another with brotherly affection. Kingdom.
Righting wrongs. Redemption. It is never too late to show another person the honor they deserve. It might mean sitting that person down, in the middle of a coffee shop months later, tears streaming down your cheeks as you tell her, “You probably had no idea, but when you were my leader- in this situation- I did not do a good job of honoring you nor covering you. I sowed into some things that I didn’t intend and as a result, you were not held in honor as you should have been.” Then tears well up in her eyes as forgiveness and hugs are exchanged and the Spirit brings full healing . . . outdo one another in showing honor. Kingdom.
Late nights. Early morning. First ones to arrive. Last ones to leave. Tearing down office space. Putting up 180 chairs. Taking down 180 chairs. Rebuilding office space. Correcting coffee malfunctions with grace. Rearranging. Fixing. Filling. Emptying. Running. Elbow-deep in dirty dish water. Vacuuming dusty floors. Up at dawn cooking breakfast. Chopping. Cutting. Seasoning. Prepping. Cleaning. Mixing. Wrapping. Spilling chicken blood and body fluids all over you. Meeting every challenge head on with joy. To the wonderful serve team at Searchlight, my hat is off to you! . . . do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Kingdom.
“Kristen, Your strength is in your openness. I do not need your strength- I need your openness so people can see and receive MY strength. You don’t have to be the strong one any longer. You don’t have to have all the answers- divert to Me- trust Me. Then just go be with Me. Rest in Me. A place of rest and peace is a pure place- the purest place you can be with Me. Seek to enter My rest. I am not after what you can do for Me. Do not doubt in the dark, Kristen, what you have seen in the Light. Be like a bird, a small little bird, wings open, gliding on the wind- not flapping and working- I, my Spirit, is the wind that will carry you. You are My Cherished One”- These are words from the Lord spoken to me this week by a wonderful friend. Thank you Jesus . . . Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be constant in prayer. Kingdom.
I walk through the door. Laughter billows out of the other room, breaking over me. The Spirit is here. Joy. Laughter. Peace. I love how I am instantly at ease whenever I walk through their door. The football game is on. People are gathered. A large-bellied wine glass is placed in my hand. No need to ask. The answer is yes. They know. A smooth red, a delicious taste. I sit down and join the raucous of cheering fans and conversation. Cheese and fruit are passed around. The night unfolds, and I am laughing so much my cheeks hurt. I sit in my chair smiling to myself and pondering what it was like for Jesus and his disciples to be in a room; fruit, cheese, and wine in hand. I wonder about their conversations and how much they laughed. I wonder if the disciples realized in that moment, like I am now, that they possessed abundant life?! Just then a large tub of peanut butter-filled pretzel bites are placed next to me. I look up. He smiles down at me. Again, no need to ask, he already knows I want to munch on them. How, in that moment, does a gesture so small speak so loudly to me of love and care?! . . . contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Kingdom.
My eyes are uncontrollable fountains. My nose is a dripping faucet, snotting all over the carpet underneath my prostrate body, hands up-turned to heaven. I have had no appetite all day, as anxiety has eaten its way through my bones. I have reached my breaking point. I am desperate. I am scared. I am broken. My stomach is sour and my heart sick. I have no idea what to think or even pray, I just know in this moment I need Jesus more than anything else. Even if he doesn’t say a word, I just cry out for his presence. The Lord’s Prayer begins to form on my lips . . . Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth, here in my heart, here right now, as it is in heaven. Forgive me of my sins. Forgive my sins Lord, I know they are many, as I forgive those who have sinned against me . . . as I forgive those who have sinned against me . . . Give me today, what I need Lord. I need you. I need you. I need you. . . . You are in control. Yours is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory forever . . . Amen . . . Amen. The sadness lifts and I speak out blessings as peace begins to settle in around me . . . bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Kingdom.
A circle of my closest friends surround me. Dessert- (Delicious Beth!) Laughter and catching up on life. It is great to be in their presence again! I have missed them! Hugs all around. They want to send me out covered in prayer. They lay hands. They are praying. I am receiving. I begin to weep. Jake grabs my hand- strong and comforting. Alison is gently holding the other. With her free hand she gently strokes and twists, playing with my hair. My head rests on her shoulder. Encouragement. Power. Peace Be Still. Blessings. Prophecies- the truth of the intimacy that comes in darkness. Breaking off any oppression and reminding me of who I am. Peace be still. They speak life and truth over me as I prepare to return to Cambodia. Proper alignment with the Father- They intercede for me, my team, the women and children of Cambodia. The tears of others begin to fall. The Spirit is binding our hearts together; an unbreakable bond. Afterwards, Congo coffee. Leg Hugs. Possible “Ruthing.” Short-lived dance parties with white-boy moves. Late night Belmont, giggly-freak-out-girl-talk, freezing our butts off as our cars warm up, and tearful goodbyes as, “I love you, OK?!?!,” is blurted out and laughed about later. These are the small treasures that will not be forgotten . . . Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Kingdom.
