Recovery of sight to the blind; the lame walk; the oppressed go free; life; love; freedom.
These are all words I have come to associate with the Kingdom of God as I have experienced it in the last couple years.
But what about these words?!
Suffering. Pain. Discomfort. Solitude. Dark night. Aching. Ruin. Dying.
These are all words I have come to associate with the Kingdom of God as I have experienced it in the last couple months.
In our culture especially, we try to alleviate pain as quickly as possible- even better, if we can prevent it all together. I know in my last 28 years if I have felt pain then I have immediately associated it with something is WRONG!
If I am in pain in my body then something is wrong in my body that needs fixing. If I am in pain in my heart then something is wrong in my relationships that needs fixing. And immediately I seek solutions to ease or eradicate the pain.
An intercessor of mine wrote me this note not to long ago . . .
God brought you to Cambodia to kill you. To kill your dreams, kill your “doing”, to kill your plans, to kill your ministry. To kill off everything that you think you thought you knew…about relationships, about leadership, about partnering, about service, about ministry.
Ouch. That is the bad news he said, and I have felt very deeply the very extent to what this means. The Lord has been doing a great work of stripping away all of these things- my sense of self, reputation, ministry, leadership, community, and calling even- all stripped away from how I once knew them.
What have I been left with?
Suffering. Pain. Discomfort. Solitude. Dark nights of the soul. Aching. Ruin. Dying. . . .
and Jesus!
In the last couple months when the pain has seemed to overwhelm and I have called out to God demanding him to speak a word of solace- instead of meeting me with his words, he has met me with his peace and his rest and his great silence.
I am in a very painful season of growing, but Jesus is ever present in the midst of it all. I can honestly say that even though it is hard on a HUGE scale I, for the first time, am not seeking a quick fix for the pain. This pain is not associated with anything WRONG in how I have understood “wrong” in the past. It is birthed out of all the RIGHT things- the true, noble, and pure things- that God desires to grow in me.
I am not in a rush to move from this place of brokenness because I am experiencing, identifying with, and loving Jesus in a more authentic way than I have ever experienced him before!
My encouragement to anyone who may find themselves in this same season of utter brokenness and growing pains; feeling all these same things is: press in.
You, my friend, are in the middle of the Kingdom of God. You are positioned to receive a greater measure of Jesus than you have ever, ever experienced before.
Jesus calls us blessed in the 5th chapter of Matthew:
You are blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
Paul says in Romans 8:
You did not receive the spirit of slavery by which to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of adoption as sons by whom we cry “Abba Father” . . . And if children of God then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ provided that we suffer with him that we might also be glorified with him. For I consider that these present and momentary sufferings are NOT WORTH comparing to the future glory that is to be revealed to us!
James tells us in the 1st chapter of his book:
Consider it ALL JOY my brothers when you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
My intercessor went on to say:
He did or is doing that so He can have ALL of you, the parts you haven’t given Him, the areas where you really didn’t think you needed Him, where you thought you had it all figured out. He wants it all, even the hidden things that no one knows about. And He wants you to offer as a sacrifice to Him whatever is left in you that hasn’t already been beaten and pulverized and executed.
And when you are truly dead, when you have nothing left to give, when you are at the end of your rope, when you are truly rejoicing in your weakness, that’s when He will shine. That’s when He will resurrect what He wants from you, in you, for you. That’s when He will resurrect the Kristen that He wants in Cambodia. That’s when you will see His vision, His people, His purpose, His will. That’s when you will step into what He called you there for.
He brought you there to kill you. To resurrect what He wants, to resurrect beauty from ashes.
This is the work of Jesus in our lives. Resurrection Life. This is the gospel and the Kingdom of God.
What needs to die in your life?
What is God killing in you so he can resurrect something more beautiful and more fruitful?
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels-a plentiful harvest of new lives.
-John 12:24 NLT
